Stranger in a Strange Land

«Meaning they didn't do things that way in the Little Brown Church you attended as a kid? Brace yourself, Jill — they don't do it your way in St. Peter's either. Nor in Mecca.»

«Yes, but — Well, none of them do it that way! Snake dances … slot machines … even a bar! That's not even dignified!»

«I don't suppose temple prostitution was dignified, either.»

«Huh?»

«I imagine the two-backed beast is as comical in the service of a god as it is under other circumstances. As for snake dances, have you ever seen a Shaker service? Neither have I; a church that is agin sexual intercourse doesn't last. But dancing to the glory of God has a long history. It doesn't have to be artistic — the Shakers could never have made the Bolshoi — it merely has to be enthusiastic. Do you find Indian Rain Dances irreverent?»

«That's different.»

«Everything always is — and the more it changes, the more it is the same. Now slot machines — Ever see a Bingo game in church?»

«Well … yes. Our parish used them to raise the mortgage. But only on Friday nights; we didn't do such things during church services.»

«So? Minds me of a wife who was proud of her virtue. Slept with other men only when her husband was away.»

«Jubal, the two cases are miles apart!»

«Probably. Analogy is even slipperier than logic. But, “little lady” — »

«Smile when you say that!»

« “It's a joke.” Jill, if a thing is sinful on Sunday, it is sinful on Friday — at least it groks that way to me — and perhaps to a man from Mars. The only difference I see is that the Fosterites give away, absolutely free, a scriptural text even if you lose. Could your Bingo games make that claim?»

«Fake scripture! A text from the New Revelation. Boss, have you read the thing?»

«I've read it.»

«Then you know. It's just dressed up in Biblical language. Part is icky-sweet, more is nonsense … and some is just hateful.»

Jubal was silent a long time. At last he said, «Jill, are you familiar with Hindu sacred writings?»

«I'm afraid not.»

«The Koran? Any other major scripture? I could illustrate my point from the Bible but do not wish to hurt your feelings.»

«You won't hurt my feelings.»

«Well, I'll use the Old Testament, picking it to pieces usually doesn't upset people as much. You know about Sodom and Gomorra? How Lot was saved from these wicked cities when Yahweh smote 'em?»

«Oh, of course. His wife was turned into a pillar of salt.»

«Always seemed to me a stiff punishment. But we were speaking of Lot. Peter describes him as a just, Godly, and righteous man, vexed by the filthy conversation of the wicked. Saint Peter must be an authority on virtue, since to him were given the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven. But it is hard to see what made Lot such a paragon. He divided a cattle range at his brother's suggestion. He got captured in battle. He lammed out of town to save his skin. He fed and sheltered two strangers but his conduct shows that he knew them to be V.I.P.s — and by the Koran and by my own lights, his hospitality would count more if he had thought they were mere beggars. Aside from these items and Saint Peter's character reference there is only one thing in the Bible on which we can judge Lot's virtue — virtue so great that Heavenly intercession saved his life. See Genesis nineteen, verse eight.»

«What does it say?»

«Look it up. I don't expect you to believe me.»

«Jubal! You're the most infuriating man I've ever met.»

«And you're a very pretty girl, so I don't mind your ignorance. All right — but look it up later. Lot's neighbors beat on his door and wanted to meet these blokes from out of town. Lot didn't argue; he offered a deal. He had two daughters, virgins, so he said — he told this mob that he would give them these girls and they could use them any way they liked — a gang shagging. He pleaded with them to do any damn thing they pleased … only quit beating on his door.»

«Jubal … does it really say that?»

«I've modernized the language but the meaning is as unmistakable as a whore's wink. Lot offered to let a gang of men — “young and old”, the Bible says — abuse two young virgins if only they wouldn't break down his door. Say!» Jubal beamed. «I should have tried that when the S.S. was breaking down my door! Maybe it would have got me into heaven.» He frowned. «No, the recipe calls for “virginis intactae” — and I wouldn't have known which of you gals to offer.»

«Hmmph!You won't find out from me.»

«Well, even Lot might have been mistaken. But that's what he promised — his virgin daughters, young and tender and scared — urged this gang to rape them … if only they would leave him in peace!» Jubal snorted. «The Bible cites this scum as a “righteous” man.»

Jill said slowly, «I don't think that's the way we were taught it in Sunday School.»