Stranger in a Strange Land

«Yes, but — Dorcas did everything but a nautch dance.»

«That is Dorcas's natural behavior. Be sure that when Miriam shows you her ring — size of a roc's egg and about as scarce — act surprised. I'm damned if I'll sort out which are spawning. Just remember that they are pleased… which is why I tipped you off, so that you wouldn't think they thought they were “caught”. They don't. They weren't. They're smug.» Jubal sighed. «I'm too old to enjoy the patter of little feet — but I won't lose perfect secretaries — and kids that I love — for any reason if I can induce them to stay. This household has become steadily disorganized ever since Jill kicked Mike's feet out from under him. Not that I blame her … and I don't think you do, either.»

«No, but — Jubal, are you under the impression that Jill started Mike on his merry rounds?»

«Huh?» Jubal looked startled. «Then who was it?»

«“Don't be nosy, bub.” However, Jill straightened me out when I jumped to the same conclusion. As I understand it, which one scored first was more or less chance.»

«Mmm … yes. I believe so.»

«Jill thinks so. She thinks Mike was lucky in happening to seduce, or be seduced by, the one best fitted to start him off right. Which gives you a hint if you know how Jill's mind works.»

«Hell, I don't even know how mine works. As for Jill, I would never have expected her to take up preaching no matter how love-struck she was — so I don't know how her mind works.»

«She doesn't preach much — we'll get to that. Jubal, what do you read from the calendar?»

«Huh?»

«You think Mike did it — in both cases — if his visits home match up.»

Jubal said guardedly, «Ben, I've said nothing to lead you to think so.»

«The hell you haven't. You said they were smug. I know the effect that goddam superman has on women.»

«Hold it, son — he's our water brother.»

Ben said levelly, «I know it — and I love him, too. But that's all the more reason I understand why they are smug.»

Jubal stared at his glass. «Ben, seems to me your name could be on the list easier than Mike's.»

«Jubal, you're out of your mind!»

«Take it easy. While I really do so help me by all the Billion Names of God believe in not poking my nose into other people's business, nevertheless I have normal eyesight and hearing. If a brass band parades through my home, I notice. You've slept under this roof dozens of times. Did you ever sleep alone?»

«Why, you scoundrel! Uh, I slept alone the first night I was here.»

«Dorcas must have been off her feed. No, you were under sedative that night — doesn't count. Some other night?»

«Your question is irrelevant, immaterial, and beneath my notice.»

«That's an answer. Please note that the added bedrooms are as far from mine as possible. Soundproofing is never perfect.»

«Jubal, wouldn't your name be higher up that list than mine?»

«What?»

«Not to mention Larry and Duke. Jubal, everybody assumes that you are keeping the fanciest harem since the Sultan. Don't misunderstand me — they envy you. But they think you're a lecherous old goat.»

Jubal drummed on his chair arm. «Ben, I do not mind being treated flippantly by my juniors. But in this matter I insist that my years be treated with respect.»

«Sorry,» Ben said stiffly. «I thought if it was all right for you to kick my sex life around, you would not mind my being equally frank.»

«No, no, Ben! — you misunderstand. I require the girls to treat me with respect — on this subject.»

«Oh — »

«I am, as you pointed out, old — quite old. Privately, I am happy to say that I am still lecherous. But lechery does not command me. I prefer dignity to indulging in pastimes which, believe me, I have enjoyed in full measure and do not need to repeat. Ben, a man my age, who looks like a slum clearance in its grimmest stage, can bed a young girl — and possibly big her and thanks for the compliment; it might not be amiss — through three means: money … or the equivalent in terms of wills and community property and such … and — pause for question: Can you imagine any of these four bedding with a man for those reasons?»

«No. Not any of them.»

«Thank you, sir. I associate only with ladies; I'm pleased that you know it. The third incentive is a most female one. A sweet young girl sometimes takes an old wreck to bed because she is fond of him, sorry for him, and wishes to make him happy. Would that apply?»

«Uh … Jubal, it might. With any of them.»

«I think so, too. But this reason which any of these ladies might find sufficient is not sufficient for me. I have my dignity, sir — so please take my name off the list.»

Caxton grinned. «Okay — you stiff-necked old coot. I hope that when I am your age I won't be so hard to tempt.»