Stranger in a Strange Land

«Is this what you want? Do you want me to do what it says on this paper?»

Jubal held his breath, avoided glancing at his client. Mike had been coached to expect such a question … but there had been no telling what form it would take, nor any way to tell how Mike's literal interpretations could trip them.

«Yes, Mr. Douglas.» Mike's voice rang out in the room — and in a billion rooms around the planet.

«You want me to handle your business affairs?»

«Please, Mr. Douglas. It would be a goodness. I thank you.»

Douglas blinked. «Well, that's clear enough. Doctor, I'll reserve my answer — but you shall have it promptly.»

«Thank you, sir. For myself as well as for my client.»

Douglas started to stand up. Assemblyman Kung's voice interrupted. «One moment! How about the Larkin Decision?»

Jubal grabbed it. «Ah, yes, the Larkin Decision. I've heard a lot of nonsense about the Larkin Decision — mostly from irresponsible persons. Mr. Kung, what about it?»

«I'm asking you. Or your… client. Or the Secretary General.»

Jubal said gently, «Shall I speak, Mr. Secretary?»

«Please do.»

«Very well.» Jubal took out a handkerchief and blew his nose in a prolonged blast, a minor chord three octaves below middle C. He fixed Kung with his eye and said solemnly, «Mr. Assemblyman, I'll address you — because I know it is unnecessary to address it to the government in the person of the Secretary. A long time ago, when I was a little boy, another boy and I formed a club. Since we had a club, we had to have rules … and the first rule we passed — unanimously — was that henceforth we could call our mothers “Crosspatch.” Silly, of course … but we were very young. Mr. Kung, can you deduce the outcome?»

«I won't guess, Dr. Harshaw.»

«I implemented our “Crosspatch” decision just once. Once was enough and it saved my chum from the same mistake. All it got me was my bottom warmed with a peach switch. And that was the end of the “Crosspatch” decision.»

Jubal cleared his throat. «Knowing that someone was certain to raise this non-existent issue I tried to explain the Larkin Decision to my client. He had trouble realizing that anyone could think that this legal fiction would apply to Mars. After all, Mars is inhabited, by an old and wise race — much older than yours, sir, and possibly wiser. But when he did understand it, he was amused. Just that, sir — tolerantly amused. Once — just once — I underrated my mother's power to punish impudence. That lesson was cheap. But this planet cannot afford such a lesson on a planetary scale. Before we parcel out lands which do not belong to us, it behooves us to be very sure what peach switches are hanging in the Martian kitchen.»

Kung looked unconvinced. «Dr. Harshaw, if the Larkin Decision is no more than a small boy's folly …why were sovereign honors rendered to Mr. Smith?»

Jubal shrugged. «That should be put to the government, not to me. But I can tell you how I interpreted them — as elementary politeness … to the Ancient Ones of Mars.»

«Please?»

«Mr. Kung, those honors were no hollow echo of the Larkin Decision. In a fashion beyond human experience, Mr. Smith is the Planet Mars!»

Kung did not blink. «Continue.»

«Or, rather, the Martian race. In Smith's person, the Ancient Ones of Mars are visiting us. Honors to him are honors to them — and harm done to him is harm to them. This is true in a literal but utterly unhuman sense. It was prudent for us to render honors to our neighbors today — but the wisdom has nothing to do with the Larkin Decision. No responsible person has argued that the Larkin precedent applies to an inhabited planet — I venture to say that none ever will.» Jubal looked up, as if asking Heaven for help. «But, Mr. Kung, be assured that the ancient rulers of Mars notice how we treat their ambassador. Honors rendered them through him were a gracious symbol. I am certain that the government of this planet showed wisdom thereby. In time,you will learn that it was a prudent act as well.»

Kung answered blandly, «Doctor, if you are trying to frighten me, you have not succeeded.»

«I did not expect to. But, fortunately for the welfare of this planet, your opinion did not control.» Jubal turned to Douglas. «Mr. Secretary, this is the longest public appearance I have made in years … and I am fatigued. Could we recess? While we await your decision?»

XXI

THE MEETING adjourned. Jubal found his intention of getting his flock quickly away balked by the American President and Senator Boone; both realized the enhanced value of being seen on intimate terms with the Man from Mars — and both were aware that the eyes of the world were on them.

Other hungry politicos were closing in.

Jubal said quickly, «Mr. President, Senator — we're leaving at once to have lunch. Can you join us?» He reflected that two in private would be easier to handle than two dozen in public — and he had to get Mike away before anything came unstuck.