Thank You, Jeeves

I could not follow this. Goodness knows, I'm as fond of a chuckle as the next man, but J. Washburn Stoker's face had never made me so much as smile. He was a cove who always reminded me of a pirate of the Spanish Main- a massive blighter and piercing-eyed, to boot. So far from laughing at the sight of him, I had never yet failed to feel absolutely spineless in his presence. "If he suddenly came round the corner, I mean, and found us with our heads together like this. He's convinced that I'm still pining for you." " You don't mean that ? " " I do, honestly." " But, dash it . . ." " It's true, I tell you. He looks on himself as the stem Victorian father who has parted the young lovers and has got to exercise ceaseless vigilance to keep them from getting together again. Little knowing that you never had a happier moment in your life than when you got my letter." " No, I say I " " Bertie, be honest. You know you were delighted." " I wouldn't say that." " You don't have to. Mother knows." " No, dash it, really I I wish you wouldn't talk like that. I always esteemed you most highly."

" You did what ? Where do you pick up these expressions ? " " Well, I suppose from Jeeves, mostly. My late man. He had a fine vocabulary." "

When you say (late,' do you mean he's dead ? Or just unpunctual ? " "

He's left me. He didn't like me playing the banjolele. Words passed, and he is now with Chuffy." " Chuffy ?" " Lord ChuffneU." " Oh ? " There was a pause. She sat listening for a moment to a couple of birds who were having an argument in a near-by tree. " Have you known Lord ChuffneU long ? " she asked. " Oh, rather." " You're great friends ? " " Bosom is the mot juste." " Good. I hoped you were. I wanted to talk to you about him. I can confide in you, can't I, Bertie ? " " Of course." " I knew I could. That's the comfort of having been engaged to a man. When you break it off, you feel such a sister." *' I don't regard you as a blister at all," I said warmly. " You had a perfect light . . ." " Not blister. Sister I "

" Oh, sister ? You mean, you look on me as a brother." " Yes, as a brother. How quick you are. And I want you to be very brotherly now.

Tell me about Marmaduke." " I don't think I know him." " Lord Chuffnell, idiot." " Is his name Marmaduke ? Well, well! How true it is that one doesn't know how the other half of the world lives, what ? Marmaduke! "

I said, laughing heartily. " I remember he was always evasive and secretive about it at school." She seemed annoyed. " It's a beautiful name I " I shot one of my swift, keen glances at her. This, I felt, must mean something. Nobody would say Marmaduke was a beautiful name wantonly and without good reason. And, sure enough, the eyes were gleaming and the epidermis a pretty pink. " Hullo! " I said." Hullo,hullo, hullo!

Hullo!" Her demeanour was defiant. " All right, all right! " she said. "

Less of the Sherlock stuff. I'm not trying to hide anything. I was just going to tell you." " You love this . . . ha, ha I Excuse me . . . this Marmaduke ? " "I'm crazy about him." " Good I Well, if what you say . .

." " Don't you worship the way his hair fluffs up behind ? "

" I have better things to do than go about staring at the back of Chuffy's head. But, as I was about to remark, if what you say is feally so, be prepared for tidings of great joy. I'm a pretty close observer, and a certain bulbous look in the old boy's eyes when a recent conversation happened to turn in your direction has convinced me that he is deeply enamoured of you." She wiggled her shoulder impatiently, and in a rather peevish manner hoofed a passing earwig with a shapely foot.

" I know that, you chump. Do you think a girl can't tell ? " I was frankly nonplussed. " Well, if he loves you and you love him, I fail to comprehend what you are beefing about." " Why, can't you understand ?

He's obviously dippy about me, but not a yip from him." " He will not speak ? " " Not a syllable." " Well, why would he ? Surely you realise that there is a certain decency in these matters, a certain decorum ?

Naturally he wouldn't say anything yet. Dash it, give the man a chance.

He's only known you five days." " I sometimes feel that he was a king in Babylon when I was a Christian slave." " What makes you think that ? " "

I just do."