Thank You, Jeeves

" Very good, sir," he moaned. I gave it up. The man annoyed me. I hadn't the slightest objection to his spending his time planning massacres for the bourgeoisie, but I was dashed if I could see why he couldn't do it with a bright and cheerful smile. Dismissing him with a gesture, I went round to the garage and got the car out. It was only a matter of thirty miles or so to Bristol, and I got there in nice time for a comfortable bite before the theatre. The show was a musical comedy which I had seen on several occasions during its London run, but it stood •up quite well on a further visit, and altogether I was feeling rested and refreshed when I started back home. I suppose it would have been getting on for midnight when I fetched up at the rural retreat: and, being about ready for sleep by now, I lost no time in lighting a candle and toddling upstairs. As I opened the door of my room, I recollect I was thinking how particularly well a dollop of slumber would go : and I was just making for the bed with a song on my lips, so to speak, when something suddenly sat up in it. The next moment I had dropped the candle and the room was plunged in darkness. But not before I had seen quite enough to be getting along with. Reading from left to right, the contents of the bed consisted of Pauline Stoker in my heliotrope pyjamas with the old gold stripe.

CHAPTER VII A VISITOR FOR BERTIE

THE attitude of fellows towards finding girls in their bedroom shortly after midnight varies. Some like it. Some don't. I didn't. I suppose it's some old Puritanstrain in the Wooster blood. I drew myself up censoriously and shot a sternish glance in her direction. Absolutely wasted, of course, because it was pitch dark. " What . . . What . . .

What . . . ? " " It's all right." " All right ? " " Quite all right." "

Oh ? " I said, and I don't pretend to disguise the fact that I spoke bitterly. I definitely meant it to sting. I stooped to pick up the candle, and the next moment I had uttered a startled cry. " Don't make such a noise I " " But there's a corpse on the floor." " There isn't. I should have noticed it." " There is, I tell you. I was groping about for the candle, and my fingers touched somethingcold and still and clammy."

" Oh, that's my swimming suit." " Your swimming suit ? " " Well, do you think I came ashore by aeroplane ? " " You swam here from the yacht ? "

" Yes." " When ? " " About half an hour ago." In that level-headed, practical way of mine, I went straight to the root of the matter. " Why ? " I asked. A match scratched and a candle by the bed flamed up and lent a bit of light to the scene. Once more I was able to observe those pyjamas, and I'm bound to admit they looked extraordinarily dressy.

Pauline was darkish in her general colour scheme, and heliotrope suited her. I said as much, always being ready to give credit where credit is due. " You look fine in that slumber-wear." " Thanks." She blew out the match, and gazed at me in a sort of wondering way. " You know, Bertie, steps should be taken about you." " Eh ? " " You ought to be in some sort of a home." " I am," I replied coldly and rather cleverly. " My own. The point I wish to thresh out is, What are you doing in it ? "

Womanlike, she evaded the issue. " What on earth did you want to kiss me like

that for in front of father ? You needn't tell me you were carried away by my radiant beauty. No, it was j just plain, straight goofiness, and I can quite understand now why Sir Roderick told father that you ought to be under restraint. Why are you still at large ? You must have a pull of some kind." We Woosters are pretty sharp on this sort of thing. I spoke with a good deal of asperity. " The incident to which you allude is readily explained. I thought he was Chuffy." " Thought who was Chuffy ?

" " Your father." " If you're trying to make out that Marma-duke looks the least bit like father you must be cuckoo," she replied with a warmth equal to my own. I gathered that she was not a great admirer of the parent's appearance, and I'm not saying she wasn't right. " Besides, I don't see what you mean." I explained. " The idea was to let Chuffy observe you in my embrace, so that the generous fire would be stirred within him and he would get keyed up to proposing to you, feeling that if he didn't get action right speedily he might lose you." Her manner softened. " You didn't think that out by yourself ? " " I did." I was somewhat nettled. " Why everybody should imagine that I can't get ideas without the assistance of Jeeves ..."