The adulteress

"You're worried ... just like me ... I know. I pray God he'll recover." She crossed herself as she spoke and looked rather anxiously upward. It had never occurred to me that Jessie was a religious woman and I had thought the gold cross which she always wore about her neck was an ornament rather than a symbol.

I said: "I shall go for a walk now."

"You're a good walker," she said.

"Yes, I like the fresh air. It makes me think."

She nodded and I went out. At the door I turned to look back at her. She was watching me and as she did so was fingering the cross about her neck.

I walked briskly toward the town. It was a long walk. I remembered how Gerard had driven me in that post chaise he had borrowed when we were concerned with Uncle Carl's will. There was no time to go to the solicitor this morning. Moreover, I was not sure whether it was the right thing to do. I imagined that Mr. Rosen might not be the most tactful of men, and if he were to upset Jessie or Dr. Cabel we might succeed in worrying Uncle Carl to such an extent that his condition grew worse.

I wished there was someone whose advice I could ask.

I wished I knew the Forsters better; I wished I could trust Dickon.

There seemed nothing to do but wait. I had always been able to see several sides to a question. It sometimes had the effect of making me hesitant because one was never sure which way to act for the best. People who had definite ideas need not hesitate. They were sure they were right even when they were wrong. But I could never be entirely sure.

As I saw it, Jessie was immoral; when she had been Uncle Carl's mistress she was also that of his agent. But at the same time she had provided comfort such as he longed for. The three of them had been happy. Whereas had she done the honorable thing and left Uncle Carl he would have been miserable. It was the same with Evalina. There was no doubt that she had made Andrew Mather very happy. If she was indulging in sexual adventure outside her marriage as long as Andrew didn't know ...

It seemed mixed morality in a way. After all, I had the example of my own lapse before me.

So I remained undecided. I went back to the house. At dinner Dr. Cabel was as affable as ever toward me so I presumed Jessie had not said anything about my suggesting calling in other advice. Dickon was vivacious and said he was going over to Grasslands in the afternoon.

"Andrew likes me to enjoy his treasures/' he said looking at me mischievously.

I walked toward Enderby hoping that I should accidently meet one of the Forsters. I was unlucky. I just stood by the palings looking at that incredibly gloomy piece of wasteland and hoping for a sign to tell me what to do.

After supper I went to visit Uncle Carl again.

"He is a little better today," said Dr. Cabel as we went up to Uncle Carl's room. "I think your coming has done something for him. I think you could stay a little longer with him. Let's see how we go ... shall we?"

He was lying there, blotched hands on the counterpane, his fingers twitching a little as I sat down. An indication, I thought, that he wanted me to take his hand.

I did so.

"Uncle Carl," I said, "it's Zipporah."

His eyes were half closed ... I could see that his mouth was drawn up at one side. It made him look unlike the man I had known. His nose looked sharper ... I thought his face looked a little fuller. But it was his eyes I had always noticed about Uncle Carl—those lively dark eyes—and now the lids were drawn down over them and he wasn't like Uncle Carl anymore. "Zipporah ..." he whispered.

"Dear Uncle Carl. I came when I heard you weren't well. You're better now... . Able to see me ... able to tell me you know I'm here."

He pressed my hand and nodded.

"Good ..." he said, "good people ..."

"Yes," I said. "You are well looked after."

"Good doctor ... friend ..."

His hands fluttered. He groaned. "Don't go... . Good Ralph ... Mustn't ..."

I presumed Ralph to be Dr. Cabel. It seemed that he had had some inkling that I had suggested another doctor be called.

I said: "No, no ... everyone you want will be here... . It's all right."

I felt a great desire to soothe him for he had lifted his head slightly and it was swaying from side to side.

"Rest," I said.

Dr. Cabel was beside me.

"Now, old fellow," he said. "I'm here. Your old friend Ralph is with you all the time. I'm not going to leave you. All's well. There! You trust me, don't you?"

He nodded to me. And I got up.

"Take his hand," he whispered.

I took it and kissed it.

"Good night, dear uncle," I said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He was lying back with his eyes closed.

I went to my room but before I had mounted the stairs to the next floor I heard the doctor and Jessie come out of the room.

Dr. Cabel was saying angrily: "What did you say to him? Did you tell him I was going? You should have had more sense."

Jessie spoke almost tearfully. "I just said that we might call in another doctor ... as well ... two heads are better than one. ... I didn't think he understood."