The Brothers Karamazov

“But what,” the prosecutor smiled irritably, “what precisely is disgraceful about your having chosen to set aside half of the three thousand that you had already discreditably, or, if you wish, disgracefully taken? That you appropriated the three thousand is the main thing, not how you disposed of it. Incidentally, why exactly did you dispose of it that way, I mean, set aside that half? What for, with what purpose in mind—can you explain that to us?”

“Oh, but gentlemen, it is in that purpose that the whole force lies!” Mitya exclaimed. “I set it aside out of baseness—that is, out of calculation, because calculation in this case is baseness ... And this baseness went on for a whole month!”

“Incomprehensible.”

“You surprise me. But, anyway, let me explain further; perhaps it really is incomprehensible. Try to follow me. You see, I appropriate three thousand, entrusted to my honor, I go on a spree with it, I squander it all, the next morning I go to her and say: ‘Katya, I’m sorry, I squandered your three thousand’— well, is that nice? No, it’s not nice, it’s dishonest, cowardly, I’m a beast, a man with no more self-restraint than a beast, right, am I right? But still not a thief! Not an outright thief, not outright, you’ll agree! I squandered it, but I did not steal it! Now a second, even more favorable case—follow me, or I may get confused again—I’m somehow giddy—so, the second case: I go on a spree and spend only fifteen hundred out of the three thousand—half, in other words. The next day I go to her and bring her the other half: ‘Katya, take this half back from me, a villain and a thoughtless scoundrel, because I’ve already squandered one half, therefore I’ll also squander the other, so put me out of harm’s way! ‘ Well, what am I in that case? Whatever you like, a beast, a scoundrel, but not a thief, not finally a thief, because if I were a thief, I’d have appropriated the other half as well and certainly not have brought it back. She would see at once that if he’s brought her the one half, he’ll also bring her the rest, the part he squandered, he’ll spend his life looking for it, he’ll work, but he will find it and give it back. Thus, a scoundrel, but not a thief, not a thief, anything you like, but not a thief!”

“There is some difference, I grant you,” the prosecutor smiled coldly. “But still it’s strange that you see it as such a fatal difference.”

“Yes, I see it as a fatal difference! Any man can be, and perhaps is, a scoundrel, but not any man can be a thief, only an arch-scoundrel can be that. Well, I’m not very good at these subtleties ... But still, a thief is more of a scoundrel than a scoundrel, that is my conviction. Listen: I carry the money on me for a whole month, even tomorrow I can decide to give it back, and then I’m not a scoundrel, but I can’t decide, that’s the thing, though I keep deciding every day, though I push myself every day: ‘Decide, you scoundrel, decide,’ and yet I can’t decide for a whole month, that’s the thing! Is that nice? What do you think, is it nice?”

“I grant you it is not very nice, I can understand that perfectly, and I do not dispute it,” the prosecutor answered with reserve. “And generally let us set aside any altercation concerning these subtleties and distinctions, and, if you please, come back to the point. And the point is that you have not yet explained to us, though we did ask, why you originally made such a division of the three thousand—that is, squandered one half and set aside the other half? Precisely what, properly speaking, did you set it aside for; and how, properly speaking, did you intend to use this separate fifteen hundred? I insist upon this question, Dmitri Fyodorovich.”

“Ah, yes, indeed!” cried Mitya, slapping himself on the forehead. “Forgive me, I’m tormenting you and not explaining the main thing, otherwise you’d understand it at once, because it is in this purpose, in this purpose, that the whole disgrace lies! You see, it was the old man, the dead man, he kept troubling Agrafena Alexandrovna, and I was jealous, I thought then that she was hesitating between me and him; and so I kept thinking each day: what if there suddenly comes a decision from her, what if she gets tired of tormenting me and suddenly says to me, ‘I love you and not him, take me away to the end of the earth.’ And all I have is some small change; how will I take her, what will I do then—it’s all over for me. I didn’t know her then, I didn’t understand, I thought she wanted money and that she’d never forgive me my poverty. And so I slyly counted out half of the three thousand and sewed it up with needle and thread, in cold blood, I sewed it up calculatingly, I sewed it up even before I went drinking, and then, when I had sewn it up, I went and got drunk on the other half! It took a scoundrel to do that, sir! Do you understand now?”

The prosecutor burst into loud laughter, as did the district attorney.