The Brothers Karamazov

And Alyosha excitedly recalled, obviously having just suddenly hit upon the idea himself, how during his last meeting with Mitya, in the evening, by the tree, on the road to the monastery, Mitya, hitting himself on the chest, “on the upper part of the chest,” repeated to him several times that he had a means of restoring his honor, and that this means was there, right there, on his chest ... “At the time I thought, when he hit himself on the chest, that he was speaking of his heart,” Alyosha went on, “that in his heart he might find the strength to escape some terrible disgrace that lay ahead of him, and that he did not dare confess even to me. I admit that right then I thought precisely that he was speaking of father, and that he was shuddering as if from shame at the thought of going to father and doing some violence to him, and yet precisely then he seemed to point at something on his chest, so that I remember precisely then some thought flashed through me that the heart isn’t in that part of the chest at all, but lower down, while he was hitting himself much higher, here, right under his neck, and indicating that place. My thought seemed stupid to me then, but perhaps precisely then he was pointing to that amulet with the fifteen hundred roubles sewn up in it. . .!”

“Precisely!” Mitya suddenly shouted from his place. “It’s true, Alyosha, true, I was pounding on it with my fist!”

Fetyukovich rushed to him in a flurry, begging him to calm down, and at the same time simply fastened on to Alyosha. Alyosha, carried away himself by his recollection, ardently voiced his supposition that the disgrace most likely lay precisely in the fact that, while he had these fifteen hundred roubles on him, which he could return to Katerina Ivanovna as half of what he owed her, he had nonetheless decided not to give her this half but to use it for something else—that is, to take Grushenka away, if she were willing . . .

“That’s it, that’s precisely it,” Alyosha kept exclaiming in sudden agitation, “my brother precisely kept exclaiming to me then that he could remove half, half of the disgrace from himself at once (several times he said half! ), but was so unfortunate in the weakness of his character that he would not do it ... he knew beforehand that he could not, that he was not strong enough to do it!”

“And you firmly, clearly remember that he hit himself precisely in that place on his chest?” Fetyukovich questioned him greedily.

“Clearly and firmly, because I precisely thought then: why is he hitting himself up there, when the heart is lower down, and the thought immediately struck me as stupid ... I remember that it struck me as stupid ... it flashed through my mind. That’s why I remembered it just now. And how could I have forgotten it all this time! He was pointing precisely to the amulet, showing that he had the means but that he would not return the fifteen hundred! And at his arrest in Mokroye he precisely cried out—I know this, I was told— that he considered it the most shameful thing in all his life that, having the means to pay back half (precisely half! ) of his debt to Katerina Ivanovna and not be a thief to her, he still could not decide to do it, and preferred to remain a thief in her eyes rather than part with the money! And how he suffered, how he suffered over that debt!” Alyosha exclaimed in conclusion.

Naturally, the prosecutor also intervened. He asked Alyosha to describe it all once more, and insisted on asking several times whether the defendant, as he beat himself on the chest, in fact seemed to be pointing at something. Perhaps he was simply beating himself on the chest with his fist?

“No, not with his fist!”exclaimed Alyosha. “He was precisely pointing with his finger, and pointing here, very high ... But how could I have forgotten it so completely till this very moment!”

The presiding judge turned to Mitya and asked what he had to say regarding the present testimony. Mitya confirmed that it had all happened precisely that way, that he had precisely been pointing at the fifteen hundred roubles that were on his chest, just below the neck, and that, of course, it was a disgrace, “a disgrace I do not repudiate, the most disgraceful act of my whole life!” Mitya cried out. “I could have returned it and I did not return it. I preferred better to remain a thief in her eyes, and did not return it, and the chief disgrace was that I knew beforehand that I wasn’t going to return it! Alyosha is right! Thank you, Alyosha!”