The Complete Yes Minister

Mr Baker reported a highly confidential meeting to the Executive Committee. He had had a talk with Sir Humphrey Appleby, Permanent Secretary of the DAA, which they had both agreed should remain completely confidential and just between themselves. Sir Humphrey had raised the matter of St Edward’s Hospital. Mr Baker had indicated that he was prepared to take a soft line in these negotiations; he felt that we had not much of a case. It could be hard to argue that the government should keep ancillary staff on indefinitely in an empty hospital.

Sir Humphrey accused Mr Baker of defeatism, and ordered him to stick up for his members. Mr Baker reported that he was initially surprised by this suggestion, until Sir Humphrey pointed out that the 342 administrators must have some workers to administer — or they too would be on the dole.

Mr Baker was surprised at this indication that Sir Humphrey might be forced to lay off some civil servants. But as Sir Humphrey had said to him ‘we live now in strange and disturbing times’.

Mr Baker asked if Sir Humphrey would support the union if we took industrial action. Sir Humphrey pointed out that he is charged with keeping the wheels of government in motion, and could not possibly countenance a show of solidarity.

Nevertheless, he hinted that he would not come down heavy on a widespread and effective show of opposition from our members.

Mr Baker wanted to know where the Minister stood on this matter. Sir Humphrey explained that the Minister does not know his ACAS from his NALGO.

Mr Baker then indicated that, if he was to cause effective disruption, he needed some active help and support from Sir Humphrey. What with the hospital empty for fifteen months and no hope of opening any wards for another year or more, he informed Sir Humphrey that our members were resigned and apathetic.

Sir Humphrey asked if Billy Fraser was resigned or apathetic. At first Mr Baker thought Sir Humphrey did not realise that Fraser is at Southwark Hospital. But Sir Humphrey indicated that he could soon be transferred to St Edward’s.

The Assistant General Secretary commented that this is good news. We can do much to improve our members’ pay and conditions at St Edward’s if there is some real shop-floor militancy to build on.

Finally, Mr Baker reported that Sir Humphrey escorted him out of the door, offering good wishes to his fraternal comrades and singing ‘we shall overcome’.

The Executive Commitee urged Mr Baker to keep a close eye on Sir Humphrey Appleby in all future negotiations because of the possibility either that he’s a traitor to his class or that he’s going round the twist.

Brian Baker, General Secretary of the Confederation of Administrative Unions, relaxing after a successful meeting of his National Executive Committee (Reproduced by kind permission of his grandson)

[Hacker’s diary continues — Ed.]

March 25th

Today I paid an official visit to St Edward’s Hospital. It was a real eye-opener.

The Welcoming Committee — I use the term in the very broadest sense, because I can hardly imagine a group of people who were less welcoming — were lined up on the steps.

I met Mrs Rogers, the Chief Administrator, and an appalling Glaswegian called Billy Fraser who rejoices in the title of Chairman of the Joint Shop Stewards Negotiating Committee. Mrs Rogers was about forty-five. Very slim, dark hair with a grey streak — a very handsome Hampstead lady who speaks with marbles in her mouth.

‘How very nice to meet you,’ I said to Fraser, offering to shake his hand.

‘I wouldn’t count on it,’ he snarled.

I was shown several empty wards, several administrative offices that were veritable hives of activity, and finally a huge deserted dusty operating theatre suite. I enquired about the cost of it. Mrs Rogers informed me that, together with Radiotherapy and Intensive Care, it cost two and a quarter million pounds.

I asked her if she was not horrified that the place was not in use.

‘No,’ she said cheerfully. ‘Very good thing in some ways. Prolongs its life. Cuts down running costs.’

‘But there are no patients,’ I reminded her.

She agreed. ‘Nonetheless,’ she added, ‘the essential work of the hospital has to go on.’

‘I thought the patients were the essential work of the hospital.’

‘Running an organisation of five hundred people is a big job, Minister,’ said Mrs Rogers, beginning to sound impatient with me.

‘Yes,’ I spluttered, ‘but if they weren’t here they wouldn’t be here.’

‘What?’

Obviously she wasn’t getting my drift. She has a completely closed mind.

I decided that it was time to be decisive. I told her that this situation could not continue. Either she got patients into the hospital, or I closed it.

She started wittering. ‘Yes, well, Minister, in the course of time I’m sure…’