The Dark Tower

“Better,” Finli allowed. “Not much, but a little. What in hell’s name are you doing here before Horn and Sun? And tell me what’s in thy bascomb, wiggins?”

Haylis hugged it tighter against his chest, his eyes flashing with alarm. Finli’s smile disappeared at once.

“You flip the lid and show me what’s in thy bascomb this second, cully, or thee’ll be picking thy teeth off the carpet.” These words came out in a smooth, low growl.

For a moment Pimli thought the Rod still would not comply, and he felt a twinge of active alarm. Then, slowly, the fellow lifted the lid of the wicker basket. It was the sort with handles, known in Finli’s home territory as a bascomb. The Rod held it reluctantly out. At the same time he closed his sore-looking, booger-rimmed eyes and turned his head aside, as if in anticipation of a blow.

Finli looked. For a long time he said nothing, then gave his own bark of laughter and invited Pimli to have a peek. The Master knew what he was seeing at once, but figuring out what it meant took a moment longer. Then his mind flashed back to popping the pimple and offering Finli the bloody pus, as one would offer a friend left-over hors d’oeuvre at the end of a dinner-party. In the bottom of the Rod’s basket was a little pile of used tissues. Kleenex, in fact.

“Did Tammy Kelly send you to pick up the swill this morning?” Pimli asked.

The Rod nodded fearfully.

“Did she tell you that you could have whatever you found and fancied from the wastecans?”

He thought the Rod would lie. If and when he did, the Master would command Finli to beat the fellow, as an object-lesson in honesty.

But the Rod—Haylis—shook his head, looking sad.

“All right,” Pimli said, relieved. It was really too early in the day for beatings and howlings and tears. They spoiled a man’s breakfast. “You can go, and with your prize. But next time, cully, ask permission or you’ll leave here a-hurt. Do’ee ken?”

The Rod nodded energetically.

“Go on, then, go! Out of my house and out of my sight!”

They watched him leave, him with his basket of snotty tissues that he’d undoubtedly eat like candy nougat, each shaming the other into keeping his face grave and stern until the poor disfigured son of no one was gone. Then they burst into gales of laughter. Finli o’ Tego staggered back against the wall hard enough to knock a picture off its hook, then slid to the floor, howling hysterically. Pimli put his face in his hands and laughed until his considerable gut ached. The laughter erased the tension with which each had begun the day, venting it all at once.

“A dangerous fellow, indeed!” Finli said when he could speak a little again. He was wiping his streaming eyes with one furry paw-hand.

“The Snot Saboteur!” Pimli agreed. His face was bright red.

They exchanged a look and were off again, braying gales of relieved laughter until they woke the housekeeper way up on the third floor. Tammy Kelly lay in her narrow bed, listening to yon kamais bellow below, looking disapprovingly up into the gloom. Men were much the same, in her view, no matter what sort of skin they wore.