The Dark Tower

Ted is tested, along with a hundred or so others, in a gymnasium that reminds him of the one back in East Hartford. This one has been filled with rows and rows of study-hall desks (wrestling mats have been considerately laid down to keep the desks’ old-fashioned round iron bases from scratching the varnished hardwood), but after the first round of testing — a ninety-minute diagnostic full of math, English, and vocabulary questions — half of them are empty. After the second round, it’s three quarters. Round Two consists of some mighty weird questions, highly subjective questions, and in several cases Ted gives an answer in which he does not believe, because he thinks — maybe knows—that the people giving the test want a different answer from the one he (and most people) would ordinarily give. For instance, there’s this little honey:23. You come to a stop near an over-turned car on a little-traveled road. Trapped in the car is a Young Man crying for rescue. You ask, “Are you hurt, Young Man?” to which he responds, “I don’t think so!” In the field nearby is a Satchel filled with Money. You:

Rescue the Young Man and give him back his Money

Rescue the Young Man but insist that the Money be taken to the local Police

Take the Money and go on your way, knowing that although the road may be little traveled, someone will be along eventually to free the Young Man

None of the above

Had this been a test for the Sacramento PD, Ted would have circled “b” in a heartbeat. He may be little more than a hobo on the road, but his mama didn’t raise no fools, thank you oh so very much. That choice would be the correct one in most circumstances, too — the play-it-safe choice, the can’t-go-wrong choice. And, as a fall-back position, the one that says “I don’t have a frigging clue what this is about but at least I’m honest enough to say so,” there’s “d.”

Ted circles “c,” but not because that is necessarily what he’d do in that situation. On the whole he tends to think that he’d go for “a,” presuming he could at least ask the “Young Man” a few questions about where the loot came from. And if outright torture wasn’t involved (and he would know, wouldn’t he, no matter what the “Young Man” might have to say on the subject), sure, here’s your money, Vaya con Dios. And why? Because Ted Brautigan happens to believe that the owner of the defunct candystore had a point: THEIR KILLING THE LITTLE MAN.