The Devil in Silver

In another context Pepper would’ve sighed when seeing someone like Loochie. Like if he was on the E train coming home from work and she got on with her friends. He’d expect her to be loud (and she would be), he’d expect her to obnoxiously barrel through the crowded car bumping anyone she pleased (and she’d do that, too). He’d hate her, honestly, as he did most teenagers. But taken out of that context, dropped in New Hyde alone, it didn’t matter how tough she might be. Here he saw a kid.

“I’ll apologize,” he said.

She nodded and tossed one of her pebbles at the fence.

“I heard you last night.”

Pepper wiggled the sandwich in his hand and then—why not—he took two bites. “Was I loud?” he asked.

Loochie threw another pebble. “Screaming usually is.”

Now he bit into the sandwich again. “Why doesn’t your mother get you out of here?” Pepper asked.

Loochie dropped all the pebbles. She wiped her hands clean. “She’s the one who committed me.”

“So why would you want me to apologize to her?”

She turned and took a step toward Pepper. Instantly ready to throw down. This seemed so young, too. That thoughtlessness, the rage that just has to become action. But he also understood it. He waved one hand in front of her face.

“Calm down,” he said quietly. “Come on.”

Her lips quivered. She looked away from Pepper and back into the television lounge. She said, “She’s still my mother.”

Pepper finished his sandwich. It had almost no taste at all. The smokers under the maple tree were down to the end of their butts.

“It’s been in my room, too,” she said. “You probably heard me.”

He remembered the night when the women were screaming. When he felt lucky for being passed over. “That was you?”

She shrugged. “Could’ve been. Depends on the night.”

How old was this girl? He wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure how the question would sound. Like a criticism? Like he was about to turn all fatherly? It wasn’t meant as either one. More like he was marveling at what he was up to when he was just eighteen or nineteen. For all the trouble he got into, he wasn’t ever in a place like this.

“Do you really know what it is?” he asked.

The nurse returned to the lounge and unlocked the door that led outside.

Loochie said, “It’s the Devil.” She looked up at him, squinting because of the sun. “I think you know that.”

So she’d confirmed his most delirious idea, unlike Dorry, and it actually felt good to hear the thing named out loud. By someone other than him. But what was supposed to happen right after that? Now what?

14

DR. BARGER SHUT the door to conference room 2 and smiled at the Book Group members. Loochie and Dorry and Coffee and Pepper. Sam and Sammy were not in attendance. Neither was Josephine or the book cart. Just four patients and Dr. Barger.

“Let’s rearrange the tables,” he said.

They did the same work again. One table over by the windows. The other table moved to the center of the room. Five chairs slid close for those in attendance, the others pushed back against the walls. Even Dr. Barger helped. With the chairs.

Then someone knocked on the door, and he said, “I’ve got a little surprise for all of you.”

Dr. Barger opened the door and a woman stood in the doorway, carrying two canisters, one white and one silver. An old woman, black, quite slim, wearing a purple pantsuit and a tidy hat that matched. When Pepper had first arrived, he’d seen Dorry give this woman his box of breakfast cereal in the television lounge. The woman didn’t even look at the doctor, only shuffled into the room in her slightly worn black Easy Spirit shoes. She entered carrying the two canisters close to her chest, as tender as a member of the congregation carrying the body and blood of Christ.

Dr. Barger waved his hand as if he’d conjured the old woman. “I bring you coffee and hot water for tea!” he said.

And against all better judgment, Dorry and Pepper and Coffee actually applauded weakly.

The old woman made it to the free table at the back of the room and set down the canisters. Under one arm she carried a short stack of white disposable coffee cups. She set those down next. Then she turned and left the room and Dr. Barger stayed at the door, held it open, as proud as a pharaoh. He grinned at the group. “See? There are rewards for your attendance.”

Dorry raised her hand. Dr. Barger pointed at her to speak, as if they were in grade school.

“How come you’re only bringing us gifts after four weeks of Group? We had three times as many people at the first meeting.” Dorry leaned toward Pepper and poked at his sleeve. “That was before you joined the cast!”

Dr. Barger shrugged. “I had to ask Dr. Anand for money to buy you all some supplies, and he had to file the request with the board of Northwest who then passed it on to the governing body of New Hyde Hospital. From there, it had to be approved by the president of the hospital, or at least rubber-stamped by his secretary. And I’m guessing that request is still on someone’s desk. Finally, I said forget it and just bought the stuff at Key Food.”