The Eye of Zoltar

‘I usually start with daytime TV, and then work my way down through celebrity biographies to international road aggregate trade agreements.’

Despite Wilson’s advice, it’s hard to think of boring thoughts when requested, especially when there is death lurking nearby, so I instead attempted to relax, and I could see Wilson and Ralph do the same. The area of dead grass moved at a slow walking pace in our direction, then stopped a few feet from Ralph. The Australopithecine sensed the danger, remained utterly still and stared absently into the middle distance, his mind apparently blank. The dead patch of grass remained in one place for what seemed like an age, then moved on and past Wilson towards me in a slow, purposeful manner. I’d faced down death a couple of times, but never like this.

I stayed as still as I dared until the Lifesucker was barely a yard from me, and that’s when Wilson stamped his feet.

‘Heigh-ho!’ he yelled in a forced tone tinged with fear. ‘Boy, am I feeling terrific today. So full of life. So much to do, so much to see! Everything in the world is there to witness, and I am the one to breathe in its many varied splendours!’

For a moment, it seemed to work. The dead patch of grass stopped, paused for a moment, but then carried on in my direction.

‘Ook, ook!’ said Ralph as he joined Wilson and danced an odd dance while making a strange trilling noise that, while not exactly musical, might become so given a few hundred millennia.

I hurried to get away, stumbled on a rock and fell heavily to the ground.

‘Ha, hoo!’ yelled Wilson as he moved closer to try to draw the Lifesucker away from me. Ralph joined him, but it wasn’t working. Death was after me, probably because I was the youngest and had more of life left in me. A small frog died instantaneously as the patch of dead grass moved over it, and I found myself attempting to flee in an undignified rearward floundering movement while still lying on my back. I panicked, and just as Wilson was about to jump forward and put himself between the Lifesucker and me, a bellow rent the air.

‘HOLD!’

I stopped. Wilson and Ralph stopped. Death, ever the opportunist, stopped as well – perhaps in case a tastier snack might suddenly have come within easier reach.

The newcomer was standing less than a dozen paces away. He wore walking breeches, stout boots, a checked shirt rolled up to the elbows, and carried a large rucksack. He had an agreeably boyish face, even though I guessed he was in his thirties, and his thick brown hair was tied up inside a red bandana, and he regarded me through the most piercing blue eyes I think I had ever seen. They didn’t so much look at you as look into you.

He was weighing a stone up and down in his hand, presumably to ensure accuracy when it was thrown. I wondered whether you could kill death with a stone, until I realised it wasn’t for death. It was for me. He swung his arm around, there was a sudden blaze of light and everything went black.

The name’s Gabby

‘Her life-force positively glows,’ came an unfamiliar voice out of a darkness that was punctuated only by flashing stars. ‘I can see why the Lifesucker homed in on her. Have you known her long?’

‘Since yesterday,’ said a familiar voice. ‘Her party rescued me from some kidnappers. I think she’s somebody big in the magic industry.’

‘No kidding?’ said the unfamiliar voice, which sounded impressed. There was a pause, then: ‘Where did you find the Australopithecine?’

‘His name’s Ralph. He had a Genetic Master Reset.’

‘I’m not sure what that means,’ came the unfamiliar voice again.

‘To be honest,’ said Wilson – for that’s who it was, I realised – ‘I’m not really sure myself. I think it’s a kind of magic.’

‘There’s not much round here that isn’t. Does it trouble you that his thing is showing?’

‘No, we’re kind of used to it by now.’

‘Ook.’

I opened my eyes to find Wilson, Ralph and the stranger staring at me. Wilson was holding a damp handkerchief to my head.

‘Am I dead?’ I asked.

‘If you were,’ said the stranger, ‘would you choose this place as heaven?’

I looked around. I was still in the Empty Quarter, leaning up against the Range Rover’s wheel. If this had all been a bad dream, I was still in it.

‘Sorry I had to knock you out,’ said the stranger with a boyish smile, ‘but your heart was belting out a funeral march so loud every Lifesucker on the planet could hear you.’

I looked at the handkerchief in Wilson’s hand. There was only a smallish amount of blood.

‘Thank you …?’

‘The name’s Gabby,’ said the stranger amiably, ‘a traveller like yourselves.’

‘Jennifer,’ I said, shaking his outstretched hand, ‘and this is Wilson.’

‘I’ve heard of you,’ said Gabby to Wilson. ‘Been here a while. A lot of close scrapes, but you always got away.’

‘I will die out here,’ said Wilson. ‘I’m choosing my moment – and I’ve been lucky.’

‘I’m not so sure luck has much to do with it out here.’

‘What, then?’ I asked.