The Eye of Zoltar

They left, and Perkins and I sat on a lump of carved stone. We said nothing for several minutes.

‘Addie was right,’ he said finally, ‘we need to talk. I’m your best and only chance of getting out of this mess. I can’t unspell the entire drone army, but I can probably disrupt them long enough to cover your retreat across the mile or so of open grassland.’

‘Absolutely not,’ I said. ‘We leave as one, or leave as none. No more spelling your life away, Perkins. Ordinary sorcery only. Promise me?’

‘If you had my powers you wouldn’t hesitate to use them,’ he said. ‘You’d give your life without batting an eyelid.’

‘This isn’t negotiable, Perkins. This is about us. Promise me?’

He bit his lip and sighed, then rested his hand on mine. I could feel him trembling.

‘I’m not what you think I am, Jenny, and there was never going to be an us. Not for long, anyway.’

I didn’t say anything. I wanted us to be together but I knew also, deep down, that he was right. He was the only chance we had.

‘I didn’t tell you earlier,’ he said, ‘but Ralph’s Genetic Master Reset wasn’t the only spell I’ve done that I had to burn some of my own life spirit to undertake – the rubberising spell took two years out of me. In fact,’ he said, dropping his gaze, ‘all spelling takes time off me. Every scrap of magic I’ve ever done has exacted a cost measured in weeks, months and years. Truthfully, how old do I look?’

‘I don’t want to hear this,’ I said.

‘You’ve got to, Jenny. How old?’

I stared at him for a moment.

‘Fifty?’

‘I’m sixty-one. Wizidrically induced ageing is kinder to the skin than sun and wind and years. I’m a fraud, Jenny. I can’t do magic – at least, not without shortening my life. You know how old I really am? How long I’ve been on the planet, I mean?’

‘I don’t know,’ I said as a nasty thought struck me.

‘I’m fourteen, Jenny. I’m not a wizard, I’m a Burner. A one-shot throwaway, and like all Burners, I’m here for one reason only – to shine brightly for a fleeting moment to help others in their time of need.’

I’d never met a Burner, but he was right: they typically lasted only two or three big spells before they had mined their own life spirit to nothing. Some of the finest magicians on the planet had been Burners, who did one fantastic feat of magic, then were gone.

‘No,’ I said, tears springing to my eyes, ‘no more magic. We can put you on other duties when we get back to Kazam.’

He shook his head sadly.

‘It’s all I’ve ever wanted,’ he said, ‘to be magically useful. Jenny, we have been charged to find the Eye of Zoltar, and protect the Princess at all costs. Moobin told me to undertake my duties with “all other considerations secondary”. Moobin wouldn’t have told me that if this quest wasn’t of vital importance.’

He was right. Moobin wouldn’t have taken the decision on his own, either.

‘The greatest sorcerers give everything to their craft, and at least this way I get to spend the rest of my life with you. My mind is made up, Jenny. It’s time you started treating me as what I really am – a useful resource to be expended wisely.’

I looked up at him and gave him a wan smile. I think I loved him more than ever at that particular moment. I’d be married in the fullness of time, and have children, and be widowed and marry again – but my heart, my true heart, the one that loves first and most strongly, would always belong to Perkins.

‘They always said you can’t make relationships within the magic industry,’ I said, wiping my eyes, ‘and some say that magic actively works to prevent it.’

‘Yeah,’ said Perkins, ‘that’s how I see it too.’

There was a pause.

‘“A resource to be expended wisely”?’ I repeated. ‘That’s really how you see yourself?’

He smiled.

‘A bit harsh, yes, but I was trying to make a point. Remember Kevin foresaw I would grow old in the Cambrian Empire? He was right – it’s just happening a bit more quickly than I thought.’

I sighed, pulled out my hair tie and rubbed my fingers through my hair. It was knotted and matted from the three days I’d gone without a bath. I’d been an idiot to think this was anything but a quest. Searches were nice and soft and cuddly and no one need be killed. A quest always demanded the death of a trusted colleague and one or more difficult ethical dilemmas. I’d been in denial. I’d been a fool.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, ‘for dragging you into this.’

‘Nonsense,’ he replied, ‘I came of my own free will. Okay, it’s a serious downer that the Eye of Zoltar isn’t here, but at least we know that for sure. Ten minutes ago we didn’t even know that.’

‘Perhaps – but useless if we can’t get to tell anyone.’

‘Defeatist talk,’ said Perkins, jumping to his feet. ‘We can figure out the Shandar problem when we get home. Let’s kick those drones where it hurts and get you headed for home.’

‘I’m not sure that metaphor works with drones, who have no parts to hurt, but yes, let’s go – what plans do you have to disrupt the Hollow Men?’

‘I’m working on something,’ he said with a smile.