The Fifth Elephant

'He might have fallen off the coach when he was unloading it,' said Vimes.

'An' I might be the Fairy Clinkerbell, sir.'

Vimes was impressed. This was lowtemperature thinking from Detritus.

'Der street doors is open,' said Detritus. 'I reckon Igor disturbed someone who was pinchin' stuff.'

'But you said nothing was missing.'

'Maybe der thief took fright, sir.'

'What, at seeing Igor? Could be...'

Vimes looked at the bags and boxes. Then he looked again. Things had been thrown down any old how. That wasn't how you unpacked a coach, unless you were looking for something in a real hurry. Who'd go to these lengths to steal food?

'Nothing was missing...' He rubbed his chin. 'Who packed the coach, Detritus?'

'Dunno, sir. I fink her ladyship just ordered a lot of stuff.'

'And we left in a bit of a rush, too...' Vimes stopped. Best to leave it there. He had an idea but, well, where was the evidence? You could say: nothing that should have been there was missing, so what must have been taken was something that shouldn't have been there.

No. For now, it was just something to remember.

They walked into the hall, and Vimes's eye fell on a pile of cards on a table by the door.

'Der's been a lot of visitors,' said Detritus.

Vimes took a handful of cards. Some of them had gold edging.

'Dem diplomatics all want you to come for drinky-poos an' stories about chickens,' the troll added helpfully.

'Cocktails, I think you'll find,' said Vimes, reading through the pasteboards. 'Hmm, Klatch... Muntab... Genua... Lancre... Lancre? It's a kingdom you could spit across! They've got an embassy here?'

'No, sir, mostly dey've got a letterbox.'

'Will we all fit in?'

'Dey've rented a house for der coronation, sir.'

Vimes dropped the invitations back on to the table.

'I don't think I can face any of this stuff,' he said. 'A man can only drink so much fruit juice and listen to so many bad jokes. Where's the nearest clacks tower, Detritus?'

'About fifteen miles Hubwards, sir.'

'I'd like to find out what's going on back home. I think that this afternoon Lady Sybil and I will have a nice quiet ride in the country. It'll take her mind off things.'

And then he thought, I'll wait until midnight, see?

And it's still only lunchtime.

In the end Vimes took Igor as driver and guide, and the guards Tantony and the one he would forever think of as Colonesque. Skimmer still hadn't returned from whatever nefarious expedition was occupying his time, and Vimes was damned if he'd leave the embassy unguarded.

Yet another word for diplomat, Vimes mused, was 'spy'. The only difference was that the host government knew who you were. The game was to outwit them, presumably.

The sun was warm, the breeze was cold, the mountain air made every peak look as if Vimes could reach out and touch it. Outside the town snow-covered vineyards and farms clung to slopes that in Ankh-Morpork would be called walls, but after a while the pine forests closed in. Here and there, at a curve in the road, the river was visible far below.

Up on the box Igor was crooning a lament.

'He told me Igors heal very fast,' said Lady Sybil.

'They'd have to.'

'Mister Skimmer said they're very gifted surgeons, Sam.'

'Except cosmetically, perhaps.'

The coach slowed.

'Do you come up here a lot, Igor?' said Vimes.

'Mithter Thleep uthed to have me drive over onthe a week to collect methageth, marthter.'

'I'd have thought it'd be easier to have a pickup tower in Bonk.'

'The counthil are dead againtht it, thur.'

'And you?'

'I am very modern in my outlook, thur.'

The tower loomed quite close now. The first twenty feet or so were of stone with narrow, barred windows. Then there was a broad platform from which the main tower grew. It was a sensible arrangement. An enemy would find it hard to break in or set fire to it, there was enough storage room inside to see out a siege, and the enemy would be aware that the lads inside would have signalled for help thirty seconds after the attack began. The company had money. They were like the coaching agents in that respect. If a tower went out of action, someone would be along to ask expensive questions. There was no law here; the kind of people who'd turn up would be inclined to leave a message to the world that towers were not to be touched.

Everyone should know this, and therefore it was odd to see that the big signal arms were stationary.

The hairs rose on Vimes's neck. 'Stay in the carriage, Sybil,' he said.

'Is there something wrong?'

'I'm not sure,' said Vimes, who was sure. He stepped down and nodded to Igor.

'I'm going to have a look inside,' he said. 'If there is any... trouble, you're to get Lady Sybil back to the embassy, all right?'

Vimes leaned back into the coach and, trying not to look at Sybil, lifted up one of the seats and pulled out the sword he had hidden there.

'Sam!' she said accusingly.

'Sorry, dear. I thought I ought to carry a spare.'

There was a bellpull by the door of the tower. Vimes tugged at it and heard a clang somewhere above.