The Gift

“I don't know anyone.” She shook her head. “I didn't want to tell the girls at the restaurant, because I was afraid Jimmy would fire me. I told them I was married to a guy who was killed in Korea, so they wouldn't be too surprised when they finally saw I was pregnant.”

“That was pretty good thinking,” he said with a look of amusement, and then he looked at her questioningly again. “Were you in love with him, Maribeth? The father, I mean.”

It meant a lot to Tommy to know if she had loved him. But he was relieved when she shook her head. “I was flattered he wanted to go out with me. That's all. I was just incredibly stupid. To tell you the truth, he's a jerk. He just wanted me to get lost and not tell Debbie. He told me I could get rid of it. I'm not even sure what they do, but I think they cut the baby out. Nobody would really tell me, and everyone says it's really dangerous and expensive.”

Tommy looked at her soberly as she explained it to him. He had heard of abortions too, but he was no clearer than she was on the exact nature of the procedure. “I'm glad you didn't do it.”

“Why?” His comment surprised her. What difference did it make to him? Things would have been so much simpler for them if she weren't pregnant.

“Because I don't think you should. Maybe this is one of those things, like Annie …maybe it happened for a reason.”

“I don't know. I've thought about it a lot. I've tried to understand why this happened. But I don't. It just seems like such rotten luck. One time. I guess that's all it takes.” He nodded tentatively. His knowledge of sex was as sketchy as hers was, possibly more so. And unlike Maribeth, he had never done it.

He looked at her very oddly then, and she could see he was dying to ask her another question.

“What? Go on …whatever it is …ask me …” They were friends to the death now, bound in a friendship that they both knew would last forever. He was part of her secret pact. He was part of it now. And he would always be part of it from this moment.

“What was it like?” lie asked, looking red-faced and mortally embarrassed, but the question didn't horrify her. Nothing did now. He was like a brother, or a best friend, or something more than that. “Was it terrific?”

“No. Not for me. Maybe for him. But I think it could be … it was kind of exciting, and dizzy making. It makes you stop thinking of anything else, or making sense, or wanting to do the right thing. It's kind of like an express train once it gets under way, or maybe that was the gin …but I think with the right person, it might be pretty great. I don't know. I don't really want to try again. Not for a long time, and not till I find the right person. I don't want to do that again, and be really stupid.” He nodded, intrigued by what she said. It was kind of what he had expected, and he admired her resolve. But he was sorry she had had the experience, and he hadn't. “The sad thing was that it didn't mean anything, and it should. And now I have this baby, whom nobody wants, not the father, not me, no one.”

“Maybe you'll change your mind when you see it' he said thoughtfully. His heart had melted from the first moment he'd seen Annie.

“I'm not sure I will. The two girls who had babies at the convent before I left never saw their babies. The nuns just took them away when they were born, and that was it. It seems so strange to carry it with you all this time, and then give it away …but it seems just as strange to keep it. It's not like it's for one day. It's forever. Could I do that? Could I be a mother for all that time? I don't think so. And then I think that there's something wrong with me. Why don't I want this baby with me forever? And if I do when I see it, then what am I going to do? How will I support it, or keep it? Tommy, I don't know what to do….” Her eyes filled with tears again and he pulled her close to him again, and this time, without hesitating, he leaned down and kissed her. It was a kiss filled with admiration and tenderness and compassion, and all the love he had come to feel for her.

It was the kiss of a man for a woman, the first either had known in just that way, the first either had felt of that magnitude in their entire lifetime. It was a kiss that could easily lead to more, except that now, and here, neither of them would let it.

“I love you,” he whispered into her hair afterwards, wishing that it was his baby she was carrying, and not that of a boy she had never cared for. “I love you so much … I won't go away …I'll be there to help you.” They were brave promises for a sixteen-year-old boy. But in the past year he had grown into manhood.

“I love you too,” she said cautiously, wiping away her tears with his towel, and not wanting to give him all her problems.

“You've got to go to a doctor,” he said, sounding remarkably paternal.

“Why?” Sometimes she still seemed very young, in spite of what she was going through.

“You've got to make sure the baby's healthy. My mom went all the time when she was pregnant with Annie.”