The Green Odyssey

He stiffened but did not turn his head to look at her.
«I was, but the officers kept us up late. Didn't Miran get here?»
«Yes, about five minutes before you did.»
He rose on one elbow and looked searchingly at her. «What?»
«Is there anything strange about that?»
«Only that he was so drunk he'd passed out and was snoring like a pig. The fat son of an izzot! He must have been faking! And he must have…»
«Must have what?»
Green shrugged. «I don't know.»
He couldn't tell her that Miran must have followed him up into the hills. And that if he had the fellow must have seen some very disturbing things.
He stood up and gazed intently at the dark forms stretched out here and there. Miran was sleeping upon a blanket behind the helm. Or was pretending to do so.
Should he kill him? If Miran turned him in to the authorities in Estorya…
He sat down again and fingered his dagger.
Amra must have guessed his thoughts, for she said, «Why do you want to kill him?»
«You know why. Because he could have me burned.»
She sucked her breath in with a hiss.
«Alan, it can't be true! You can't be a demon!»
To him the accusation was so ridiculous that he didn't bother to answer. He should have known better, because he was well aware of how seriously these people took such things. However, he was thinking so furiously about what he could do to forestall Miran, that he completely forgot about her. Not until he heard her muffled sobs did he come out of his reverie. Surprised, he said, «Don't worry. They're not going to burn me.»
«No, they're not,» she said, choking on every other word. «I don't care if you are a demon. I love you, and I'd go to hell for you or with you!»
It took him a few seconds to understand that she did believe he was a demon and that it made no difference to her. Or, rather, she was determined to ignore the difference. What a sacrifice of her natural feelings she must have made for him! She, like everybody upon this world, had been trained from childhood to develop a fierce disgust and horror of devils and to be always upon her guard for them when they appeared in human form. What an abyss she had to cross in order to conquer her deep revulsion! In a way, her feat was greater than crossing the chasm between the stars.
«Amra,» he said, deeply touched, and he bent down to kiss her.
To his surprise she turned her face away.
«You know my lips don't belch fire, like the devils' in the legends,» he said, half-jestingly, half-pityingly. «Nor will I suck your soul into my mouth.»
«You have already done that,» she said, still not facing him.
«Oh, Amra!»
«Yes, you have! Else why should I follow you when you deserted me to run away on the Bird? And why should I still want to follow you, to be with you, even if those towers had turned out to be your what-do-you-call-'em? and you had sailed away into the skies on them? Why would any decent human woman want to do that? Tell me!»
She, too, rose on an elbow, her face now turned to him. He scarcely recognized her, her features were so twisted and her skin was so livid.
«A hundred times during this voyage I've wished you would die. Why? Because then I wouldn't have to think about the time to come when you would leave this world forever, leave me forever! But when you were in danger, then I almost died, too, and I knew I didn't really wish your death. It was just wounded pride on my part. And I couldn't face the moment of your departure! Or the fact that you must come from a superior race, a people more like gods than demons!
«Oh, I didn't know what to think! Whether you were a devil, or a god, or just a man who was somehow more of a man than any I knew. I could ignore such things as your wounds healing up faster than they should and scar tissues disappearing. But I couldn't ignore your knowledge that Aga would be killed if she touched that wall in the room on the cannibals' island. Nor the fact that your teeth grew back in after they were knocked out during the escape from the island. Nor your too obvious interest in those two demons held prisoner in Estorya. Or…»
«Not so loud, Amra,» he interrupted. «You'll wake everybody up.»
«All right, all right. Better to keep quiet and pretend to be stupid. But I can't, I'm not built that way. So… what are you going to do, Alan?»
«Do? Do?» he repeated miserably. «Why, somehow or other I'm going to free those two poor devils and escape in their spaceship.»
«Devils? Then they are demons!»
«Oh, no, that was just a manner of speaking. I said poor devils because of what they must have gone through in that barbarous prison. They might as well have been in the hands of the cannibals as at the mercy of the priests of this wretched planet.»
«Yes, that's what you really think of us, isn't it? That we're all murderous, dirty and stinking savages.»
«Oh, not all of you,» he replied. «You're not, Amra. By any standards, you're a wonderful woman.»
«Then why can't..?»
She bit her lip and turned away from him. She would not humble herself by asking him to take her with him. It was up to him to make the offer.
Green did not know what to say, though he knew that it was necessary to say something at once.
He just could not make up his mind as to how she would fit into Earth civilization.
How could he teach her that if somebody whom you didn't like differed with you, you just didn't try to tear them apart? Or that if the person you hated was too powerful for you to settle matters with personally you didn't resort to professional assassins?
How could he teach her to love the same things he did, the music and literature of his own culture? Her roots were in an entirely different culture. She couldn't possibly understand what he understood, thrill to that which thrilled him, catch the subtleties that he caught, see what lay behind the nuances of his civilization. She'd be a stranger in a world not made for her.
Of course, he thought, there were plenty of women upon Earth and her star-colonies who didn't share his culture, even if they'd been brought up in it. But their case was simply a matter of taste. And they could still share a certain amount with him, just because they'd breathed the same atmosphere and talked the same words as he. Not that he would have cared to live with them, because he wouldn't. But Amra, desirable in so many ways, just would not understand what was taking place around her or in the minds of those she would have to live with.
He looked down at Amra. Her back was turned, and she seemed to be breathing the easy breath of deep sleep. Though he doubted very much that she could be sleeping, he decided to accept things as they looked. He wouldn't answer her now, though he knew that when morning came her eyes would be asking the same question, even if she didn't voice it.
At least, he thought, she'd been diverted from her curiosity about what he'd been doing that night. That was something. He didn't want anybody to know about that. Not until the time for action came!
Provided, that is, that he could do anything even then. He'd discovered certain things tonight that could mean his salvation if he could utilize them.
That was the rub, as some poet or other had once said.
Wondering just who had originated that saying, he fell asleep. Woolgathering had always been a favorite occupation of his when people left him alone to do it. That was the rub. They didn't.