The Heavenly Host

“Well, it is Mount Doom, which is in the Abyss,” Antefalken said. “It’s actually a very pleasant place compared to most of the Abyss.”

“Really?” Vaselle asked rather nervously, looking around.

“It’s a lot cooler and significantly more humid,” Antefalken noted. “Tom has cooled the majority of the Doomplex, as we’ve started calling it, down to the equivalent of a very hot summer day, so that your amulets won’t be taxed as much.”

Antefalken gestured around them. “And, as you can tell by the fact that there are furnishings that somehow survived four thousand years of very dry and excessive heat, the acidity level is not toxic.” Antefalken grinned. “That is considered a major selling point.”

“So how hot is it normally?” Vaselle asked. “I hear that water boils here.”

“That is true on the plains. We are at a higher altitude here and so when the volcano was dormant, the temperature was probably only about three-fourths the temperature of boiling water.”

“So the volcano starting made it hotter?” Damien asked.

“I guess. For a while, we didn’t really notice, since it did not get any hotter than the rest of the Abyss. However, once the storm clouds formed and it started raining, the temperature quickly cooled. And then Tom started the cooling runes.”

“Cooling runes — you’ve mentioned those before,” Damien said.

“Yes, there are runes throughout this complex that do a wide variety of things; some of them are cooling runes that basically produce a cooling spell upon the air. They are actually very popular in the Courts of Chaos,” Antefalken said.

“Why do they want cooling at the Courts if they are all demons?” Vaselle asked.

“Because they have furniture, paper, clothing and food and drink that doesn’t fare well at the ambient temperature. Therefore, the higher-ups tend to use various forms of arcane cooling in their homes and palaces.”

“Is that why most demons are naked? Because clothes wouldn’t hold up well in the Abyss?” Vaselle asked.

Antefalken shrugged. “Well, it’s more like most don’t care about nudity, and don’t bother acquiring clothes. Particularly since tailoring them to fit an odd shape gets expensive for most demons, and then, as you say, the temperature would not be good for many materials over time. If they have the money, most prefer to spend it on something else.”

“But you wear clothes,” Vaselle pointed out.

“Yes, but I’m a professional entertainer; I need to wear clothes or all the women in my audience would swoon!” Antefalken grinned.

“I thought you said demons don’t care about nudity?” Damien asked his bard snidely.

“Well, generally speaking, but when one has a particularly outstanding physique...” Antefalken said.

“So you have to spend quite a bit of money on clothing?” Vaselle asked.

Antefalken looked at the wizard, slightly perplexed by the question. “Well, something like that. I didn’t always wear clothes.”

“You know it’s very odd, now that I think of it. You wear the exact same clothes probably ninety percent of the time and yet they are always impeccably clean and pressed,” Damien said, furrowing his brow.

Antefalken coughed. “As I said, I’m a professional; I need to look my best at all times. It is also about branding; people need to be able to recognize you. Ask any celebrity!”

“So are you taking us on a tour?” Vaselle asked.

“We will be doing a tour, but I’m showing you to what I’m calling the mortal suite.” Antefalken said.

“The mortal suite?” Damien repeated dubiously.

Antefalken grinned at the wizard. “It’s a suite of rooms overlooking the volcano and stadium, with a balcony. There are quite a few suites like that, but this one was apparently designed with mortal guests in mind as opposed to immortal guests.”

“And what are the differences?” Vaselle asked.

“Well, the number one difference is a room for number one and number two.” Antefalken smiled brightly at the humans, who did not seem to get the reference. He sighed. “A toilet. Bathrooms with toilets and running water. Running water now, I should say. The water did not work after the reservoirs went dry, but they work now.” He waved his hands reassuringly. “Also, the beds and furniture are more human sized, although this varies, as demons come in extremely different sizes. And the rooms have much finer temperature controls. You won’t need your amulets in them.”

Antefalken opened the double doors to a large suite with very nice furniture and some rather odd paintings of demons and other creatures. There were six doors to other rooms, plus French doors leading out to a balcony. The lighting in this room was considerably better, with multiple lamps lit throughout the room.

“Seems like a lot of rooms for two people,” Damien observed.

“Well, on that matter,” Antefalken began, “we have some other mortal guests coming. Tal Gor, Ragala-nargoloth, Beya Fei Geist and Farsooth Gore Tusk. Unfortunately, Trig Bioblast had watch and so was unable to come.”

“Those are very odd names,” Vaselle stated suspiciously.

“Well, they are orcs,” Antefalken admitted.