The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty

In terms of the fudge factor theory, infidelity is most likely the prototypical illustration of all the characteristics of dishonesty that we have been talking about. To start with, it is the poster child (or at least one of them) of a behavior that does not stem from a cost-benefit analysis. I also suspect that the tendency toward infidelity depends to a great extent on being able to justify it to ourselves. Starting with one small action (maybe a kiss) is another force that can lead to deeper kinds of involvement over time. Being away from the usual day-to-day routine, for example on a tour or a set, where the social rules are not as clear, can further enhance the ability to self-justify infidelity. And creative people, such as actors, artists, and politicians—all known for a tendency to be unfaithful—are likely to be more adept at spinning stories about why it’s all right or even desirable for them to behave that way. And similar to other types of dishonesty, infidelity is influenced by the actions of those around us. Someone who has a lot of friends and family who have had affairs will likely be influenced by that exposure.

With all of this complexity, nuance, and social importance, you might wonder why there isn’t a chapter in this book about infidelity and why this rather fascinating topic is relegated to one small section. The problem is data. I generally like to stick to conclusions I can draw from experiments and data. Conducting experiments on infidelity would be nearly impossible, and the data by their very nature are difficult to estimate. This means that for now we are left to speculate—and only speculate—about infidelity.

What Should We Do Next?

So here we are, surrounded by dishonesty. As one Apoth E. Cary put it in 1873:

Swindle, swindle, everywhere,

Every shape and size;

Take the swindle out of a man,

And you’ve nothing left but lies.

Philanthropy is made to cover a fraud,

Charity keeps humbugs in tow;

And we’re swindled at home, swindled abroad,

And swindled wherever we go.

For the world is full of humbugs

Managed by dishonest men;

One moves on, another comes,

And we’re swindled again and again.

—APOTH E. CARY, “RECOLLECTIONS OF THE SWINDLE FAMILY”¹

As we have seen, we are all capable of cheating, and we are very adept at telling ourselves stories about why, in doing so, we are not dishonest or immoral. Even worse, we are prone to “catch” the cheating bug from other people, and once we start acting dishonestly, we are likely to continue misbehaving that way.