The Language of Flowers

Combing my fingers through my short hair, I returned to the window. Elizabeth had reached the bottom porch step, where she braked the stroller and pushed up the shade. Hazel squinted into the sunlight. Her eyes traveled up the water tower, and I waved from behind the third-story window. She smiled and reached up, as if wanting me to pull her out of the stroller.

Elizabeth saw her outstretched arms and leaned over to pick her up. With the baby on her hip, she reached under the stroller and pulled something out of a storage area beneath the seat, holding it up for me to see.

A ladybug-shaped backpack. Inside, I knew, were Hazel’s pajamas, diapers, and a change of clothes. Elizabeth’s face was joyful and determinedly brave; mine, I knew, was the same. Looking at my daughter filled me with a love I once thought myself incapable of feeling, and I thought about what Grant had said the afternoon I reappeared in his rose garden. If it was true that moss did not have roots, and maternal love could grow spontaneously, as if from nothing, perhaps I had been wrong to believe myself unfit to raise my daughter. Perhaps the unattached, the unwanted, the unloved, could grow to give love as lushly as anyone else.

Tonight, my daughter would spend the night for the first time. We would read books and rock in her rocking chair. Afterward, we would try to sleep. Maybe she would be scared, and maybe I would feel overwhelmed, but we would try again the next week and the one after that. Over time, we would learn each other, and I would learn to love her like a mother loves a daughter, imperfectly and without roots.

Victoria’s Dictionary of Flowers

Abutilon (Abutilon) … Meditation

Acacia (Acacia) … Secret love

Acanthus (Acanthus) … Artifice

Agapanthus (Agapanthus) … Love letter

Allium (Allium) … Prosperity

Almond blossom (Amygdalus communis) … Indiscretion

Aloe (Aloe vera) … Grief

Alstroemeria (Alstroemeria) … Devotion

Alyssum (Lobularia maritima) … Worth beyond beauty

Amaranth (Amaranthus) … Immortality

Amaryllis (Hippeastrum) … Pride

Anemone (Anemone) … Forsaken

Angelica (Angelica pachycarpa) … Inspiration

Apple (Malus domestica)  … Temptation

Apple blossom (Malus domestica) … Preference

Aster (Aster)  … Patience

Azalea (Rhododendron)  … Fragile and ephemeral passion

Baby’s breath (Gypsophila paniculata) … Everlasting love

Bachelor’s button (Centaurea cyanus) … Single blessedness

Basil (Ocimum basilicum) … Hate

Bay leaf (Laurus nobilis) … I change but in death

Begonia (Begonia) … Caution

Bellflower (Campanula) … Gratitude

Bells of Ireland (Moluccella laevis) … Good luck

Bird of paradise (Strelitzia reginae)… Magnificence

Blackberry (Rubus)… Envy

Black-eyed Susan (Rudbeckia)… Justice

Bluebell (Hyacinthoides non-scripta) … Constancy

Bougainvillea (Bougainvillea spectabilis) … Passion

Bouvardia (Bouvardia) … Enthusiasm

Broom (Cytisus) … Humility

Buttercup (Ranunculus acris) … Ingratitude

Cabbage (Brassica oleracea) … Profit

Cactus (Opuntia)… Ardent love

Calla lily (Zantedeschia aethiopica) … Modesty

Camellia (Camellia) … My destiny is in your hands

Candytuft (Iberis) … Indifference

Canterbury bells (Campanula medium) … Constancy

Carnation, pink (Dianthus caryophyllus) … I will never forget you

Carnation, red (Dianthus caryophyllus) … My heart breaks

Carnation, striped (Dianthus caryophyllus) … I cannot be with you

Carnation, white (Dianthus caryophyllus) … Sweet and lovely

Carnation, yellow (Dianthus caryophyllus) … Disdain

Celandine (Chelidonium majus) … Joys to come

Chamomile (Matricaria recutita) … Energy in adversity

Cherry blossom (Prunus cerasus) … Impermanence

Chervil (Anthriscus) … Sincerity

Chestnut (Castanea sativa) … Do me justice

Chicory (Cichorium intybus) … Frugality

Chrysanthemum (Chrysanthemum) … Truth

Cinquefoil (Potentilla) … Beloved daughter