The Light Fantastic

Herrena wasn’t too happy about them, but they were all that was available for hire in Morpork. Many of the citizens were moving out and heading for the hills, out of fear of the new star.

But Herrena was heading for the hills for a different reason. Just turnwise and rimwards of the Plains were the bare Trollbone Mountains. Herrena, who had for many years availed herself of the uniquely equal opportunities available to any woman who could make a sword sing, was trusting to her instincts.

This Rincewind, as Trymon had described him, was a rat, and rats like cover. Anyway, the mountains were a long way from Trymon and, for all that he was currently her employer, Herrena was very happy about that. There something about his manner that made her fists itch.

Rincewind knew he ought to be panicking, but that was difficult because, although he wasn’t aware of it, motions like panic and terror and anger are all to do with stuff sloshing around in glands and all Rincewind’s glands were still in his body.

It was difficult to be certain where his real body was, but when he looked down he could see a fine blue line trailing from what for the sake of sanity he would still call his ankle into the blackness around him, and it seemed reasonable to assume that his body was on the other end.

It was not a particularly good body, he’d be the first to admit, but one or two bits of it had sentimental value and it dawned on him that if the little blue line snapped he’d have to spend the rest of his li—his existence hanging around ouija boards pretending to be people’s dead aunties and all the other things lost souls do to pass the time.

The sheer horror of this so appalled him he hardly felt his feet touch the ground. Some ground, anyway; he decided that it almost certainly wasn’t the ground, which as far as he could remember wasn’t black and didn’t swirl in such a disconcerting way.

He took a look around.

Sheer sharp mountains speared up around him into a frosty sky hung with cruel stars, stars which appeared on no celestial chart in the multiverse, but right in there amongst them was a malevolent red disc. Rincewind shivered, and looked away. The land ahead of him sloped down sharply, and a dry wind whispered across the frost-cracked rocks.

It really did whisper. As grey eddies caught at his robe and tugged at his hair Rincewind thought he could hear voices, faint and far off, saying things like ‘Are you sure those were mushrooms in the stew? I feel a bit —,’ and There’s a lovely view if you lean over this —,’ and ‘Don’t fuss, it’s only a scratch —,’ and Watch where you’re pointing that bow, you nearly—’ and so on.

He stumbled down the slope, with his fingers in his ears, until he saw a sight seen by very few living men.

The ground dipped sharply until it became a vast funnel, ully a mile across, into which the whispering wind of the souls of the dead blew with a vast, echoing susurration, as though the Disc itself was breathing. But a narrow spur of rock arched out and over the hole, ending in an outcrop perhaps a hundred feet across.

There was a garden up there, with orchards and flowerbeds, and a quite small black cottage.

A little path led up to it.

Rincewind looked behind him. The shiny blue line was still there.

So was the Luggage.

It squatted on the path, watching him.

Rincewind had never got on with the Luggage, it had always given him the impression that it thoroughly disapproved of him. But just for once it wasn’t glaring at him. It had a rather pathetic look, like a dog that’s just come home after a pleasant roll in the cowpats to find that the family has moved to the next continent.

‘All right,’ said Rincewind. ‘Come on.’

It extended its legs and followed him up the path.

Somehow Rincewind had expected the garden on the outcrop to be full of dead flowers, but it was in fact well kept and had obviously been planted by someone with an eye for colour, always provided the colour was deep purple, night black or shroud white. Huge lilies perfumed the air. There was a sundial without a gnomon in the middle of a freshly-scythed lawn.

With the Luggage trailing behind him Rincewind crept along a path of marble chippings until he was at the rear of the cottage, and pushed open a door.

Four horses looked at him over the top of their nosebags. They were warm and alive, and some of the best kept beasts Rincewind had ever seen. A big white one had a stall all to itself, and a silver and black harness hung over the door. The other three were tethered in front of a hay rack on the opposite wall, as if visitors had just dropped by. They regarded Rincewind with vague animal curiosity.

The Luggage bumped into his ankle. He spun around nd hissed, ‘Push off, you!’

The Luggage backed away. It looked abashed.

Rincewind tiptoed to the far door and cautiously pushed it open. It gave onto a stone-flagged passageway, which in turn opened onto a wide entrance hall.