The Lost Fleet – Dauntless

“Yes.” Geary didn’t trust himself to say anything else, knowing that if he hadn’t transferred Hatherian to Arrogant, then that officer would have been on Orion and still alive. But then if he hadn’t given command of Fox Five Two to Captain Numos, and if Numos hadn’t squandered his maneuvering advantage and allowed some of his ships to be caught under concentrated enemy fire, then Arrogant wouldn’t have had to sacrifice herself to protect those ships. That’s also my fault. I decided to let Numos take that command even though I didn’t trust him with it. “We also lost some light units. Dagger, Swift, Venom. And another heavy cruiser. Invidious.”

“Yes, that’s too bad. We need every escort we have. But we did recover some of their crews.”

Geary just stared at her, trying to understand how a fleet officer, how a citizen of the Alliance, could so calmly deal with the losses of ships and their crews. Desjani seemed partly somber over the losses yet also partly jubilant at the same time. Have my people really become so barbaric that it doesn’t matter to them when ships and crews die?

Then Desjani indicated the list of losses, and her face went sad in a way that relieved Geary. “No victory comes without a price, not even one of yours, sir. None of those we lost today need fear facing their ancestors, though.” She shook her head, her gaze distant. “After the battle at Easir, we didn’t know what to think. We’d kept possession of the system, but the cost was so high. Every single battle cruiser in the system and half of our battleships lost, the light escorts decimated. We’d traded losses almost ship for ship with the Syndics, but had we truly done honor to our ancestors by losing so many? You never really know in a case like that.” Desjani paused again. “I was a junior lieutenant, then. I made lieutenant commander the next day. They needed a lot more officers.”

Oh, damn. I didn’t understand at all. Geary nodded without speaking, trying to mask his embarrassment and shame at thinking Desjani and the others didn’t care about losses. They care. But they’re used to it. They’ve seen so many die, so many times. It’s a fact of life, so they don’t let it overwhelm them.

He wondered how many ships and how many sailors had died at Easir. He wondered if he’d ever have the guts to look up the history of the battle to find out. You knew this, Geary. You knew they’d taken horrible losses, year in and year out. But you didn’t really feel it. Didn’t understand how it must feel to them. They’re used to it, as used to seeing their friends and comrades die as anyone can ever be. I’m not used to it. War, this war, is still new to me even though it’s a century old. He felt the cold inside again, thinking about his crew members who had died long ago in that battle at Grendel. And then, for the first time, he wondered if Desjani ever felt the cold when she remembered dead comrades.

He reached out and clasped Desjani’s shoulder, drawing a look of surprise from her. “They all did honor, Tanya. To themselves, to their ancestors, to those of us who’ve survived to win this battle. Thank you.”

She looked puzzled, now. “For what, sir?”

“For honoring their memory by your own efforts. For continuing the task they died for.”

Desjani looked away and shook her head. “I’m not unique, Captain Geary.”

“I know.” He let his hand drop. “But I’m honored to know you and every other sailor in this fleet.”

He looked down at the list again, going past the ships destroyed and on to the long tally of damage suffered by other ships. That was a much longer list, but none of the ships on it had been badly hurt. Still, men and women had died on ships when compartments were breached by enemy fire. He became aware that Desjani was watching him intently. “What is it?”

“I don’t know if you understand what’s happened here, Captain Geary. I told you about Easir. Those who were still alive after that battle count themselves as survivors. There’s no pride in it, and as I said no glory. But you’ve done something at Kaliban.” She indicated the list of dead. “Their descendents will be very proud their ancestors died here, just as everyone in this fleet will carry the pride in having been here for the rest of their lives.”

But Geary shook his head. “It wasn’t a closely matched battle. We outnumbered the Syndics by a good margin from the start. Even if you don’t factor in the lousy tactics of the Syndic commander, it wasn’t that great a victory.” He didn’t go on to add that he suspected some people might not be all that impressed by it.

GEARY paused a moment, looking down, closing his eyes and breathing slowly and deeply to relax himself. I am really getting to hate these fleet conferences. He raised his head again and looked around the table.