The Love Child

“Everything!” I cried. “How do you think your freedom was bought? paid for it …. with that man. I … the daughter you have always despised.”

“What are you saying. , . ?”

“I am saying this: I went to plead for you. He was there … a great friend of Jeffreys.

He would release you at a price …” I covered my face with my hands. “You have no conception what it was like. That man … How can I tell you? You see him as a normal, lusty man. I tell you he is capable of the greatest cruelty.”

He had taken my hands from my face. He said: “You … you submitted to that for me? Oh, my God! That was why … I looked for my benefactor and all the time it was my own daughter.”

“Yes,” I said, “the daughter who was of no account … the daughter who was not a son.”

He did not speak. I saw the terrible emotion in his face. It was hatred for that man. It was remorse … yes, remorse for years of neglect.

“Priscilla …” He spoke my name softly.

I did not answer. I felt I had had enough. I was exhausted with emotion and the only thought that sustained me was that of the pistol lying in the drawer in my room.

That was a day of events. During the afternoon Leigh came home.

I was in his arms and he was kissing me, studying me.

“It’s been a long time,” I said.

“I came as soon as I could. I’m giving it all up now. I’ve arranged it. I’m going to be home from henceforth.”

“That’s good, Leigh.”

“But, my dearest, you have grown thin … and so pale. You have been ill.”

“I think I shall be all right…soon.”

My mother was excited. “This is wonderful, Leigh,” she cried. “I have been so longing for you to come. Priscilla talks a great deal about your plans for the Dower House.”

She was running to the kitchens. A special feast must be prepared. She seemed to think that now Leigh was home everything would be all right.

I felt bemused. I kept thinking of the pistol in the drawer in my room. What could I do now? I had betrayed my secret at last. My father knew. I had not seen him since I had burst out of that room. He had gone out and had not returned.

It was clear that Leigh guessed there was something wrong. I was not listening to what he was saying. I could not think of anything but Beaumont Granville. Talking to my father as I had had brought it all back.

The secret was no longer shut away. It was out in the open.

When I was alone with Leigh, when he took me hi his arms, when he was reminding me of how long we had been apart, how he had thought of nothing but me, I was only half listening.

I could not respond. Beaumont Granville had often been between us, but never so much as now.

Leigh said to me: “You must tell me what’s wrong, Priscilla. Tell me. Have you met someone? You love someone else? There is someone, is there not?”

“There is someone, Leigh,” I answered, and I saw the stricken look on his face.

He cried out: “I always knew. Right from the first. He was there between us.”

“Not love, Leigh,” I cried, “but hatred…”

I knew I had to tell him then. Perhaps I should have told him in the beginning. .

. when we were married.

“I must tell you, Leigh,” I said. “I must tell you everything. Today I have told my father. All these years I have kept it locked away. It seemed less shameful out of sight.”

“Priscilla, my dear, I love you. Whatever it is makes no difference to that. Tell me … and we’ll forget it. It will be gone then … no longer between us.”

So I told him as I had told my father.

I saw his face grow dark with fury.

“That man! That man in Venice!”

“He never forgot … he never forgave. He bears the scars you gave him. Oh, Leigh, if you had known.”

“You were so brave,” he said, “so brave, my darling.”

“I saved my father’s life. They freed him the next day.”

“It was a noble thing to do. You sacrificed yourself for him.”

“It didn’t end on that night. It has been with me ever since. It has been between us. … And now, Carlotta. Oh, Leigh, I feel as if it has been slowly killing me.”

“He’ll not marry Carlotta. We’ll stop that.”

“How? How?”

“We’ll tell her this.”

“I couldn’t bear to. She would never understand.”

He kissed me tenderly.

“My darling,” he said, “you are overwrought. This has been a terrible ordeal.”

“How can we stop it? He is here now … here at Enderby … her house. Oh, don’t you see? He will induce her to run away with him. Once they are married …”

“It shall not be. I am looking after you now … just the two of us are together as we were meant to be right from the beginning. You won’t bear this alone anymore.”

“I’m glad you know. It has been a terrible burden. It has been there all the tune.

I could never forget it when we were together.”

“I know.”

“I was afraid you would realize there was something … I was afraid it would turn you away from me.”

“Nothing on earth would do that. You were meant for me always.”

I allowed myself to be comforted, but I was still thinking of the pistol in the drawer.

I wanted to tell him, but I knew he would take it away if he knew it was there.

He was all tenderness now, but he was planning something. I was always afraid of what he would do if he knew.