The Love Child

This was what Christabel had needed all her life-to be loved. She was ready enough to give love in return and I have never known any woman more contented with her lot than Christabel was with hers at that time.

One cold January afternoon when the north wind was buffeting the walls of the house and it was comforting to be sitting before a warm fire, she confided in me.

She said: “How strange life is, Priscilla. Only a short time ago I had nothing. The future looked bleak. I dreaded it. And then suddenly everything changed. Happiness such as I had never dreamed possible came to me.”

“That is life, Christabel. It’s a lesson, I suppose. One shouldn’t ever be too despondent.”

“Or too elated, perhaps.”

“I don’t agree. When we are happy we should live it fully at the tune and give no thought to the future.”

“Is that what you thought when you were on the island with Jocelyn?”

“I didn’t consciously think it. I suppose I was just happy to love and be loved by him. I accepted that moment and did not think beyond it.”

“With what consequences!”

I said: “I would not be without Carlotta for anything.”

“I understand that, Priscilla. I’m rather wicked, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, nonsense! What are you talking about?”

“I don’t deserve all this.”

“Of course you do. It wouldn’t be yours if you didn’t. Do you think Thomas would be so completely in love with the sort of person you’re trying to make out you are?”

“I’m different with him. I loved him from the moment he was so charming about the coat. He loved his first wife but she couldn’t give him children, and now we have little Thomas. He is so happy about it. He always wanted children and now he has a son. He says he can’t believe all this could come to him because of a piece of slippery ice.”

“Well, it has come and now all you have to do is appreciate it and keep yourselves happy.”

“I intend to. I wouldn’t do anything to spoil it.”

“Then don’t talk of spoiling it. Don’t even think of it.”

“I won’t. But I can’t be completely happy until you have forgiven

“I forgive you? For what?”

“I was envious. I think I sometimes hated you. You were so kind to me, yet I couldn’t stop it. I was fond of you often, but there was this strong resentment inside me.

It was horrible. It was so strong it made me want to harm you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I was so conscious of being the outcast, the unwanted one, the child whose existence had been an embarrassment … like something you hide under a stone. To be put out by your parents, Priscilla, is heartbreaking to a sensitive child. I never had any love at all. The Connalts had none to give to anyone. They were the worst possible foster parents for a child like myself.”

“It’s all over, Christabel. It’s done with. You’re out of it. You have your son and your husband who adores you, and you have this lovely home. Never mind what you suffered to get here … you’re here now and it’s going to stay this way.”

“You will understand me, Priscilla, I know, but let me confess. It will ease my conscience.”

“Very well. Confess.”

“There was a horrible need in me to humiliate you as I had been humiliated. You were the legitimate daughter, I the illegitimate one. I have a very unpleasant nature, you see. I knew what was happening between you and Jocelyn. I knew how innocent you were. I knew how people feel when they are desperate. We were going on the island, remember … all three of us. Then I pleaded a headache and I didn’t go. I knew it was going to be misty. One of the gardeners told me. I deliberately let you go alone... the two of you.”

“But why?”

“It occurred to my devious mind that what would happen was what did. My mind was twisted. Envy does twist the mind. It’s the deadliest of emotions. It hurts the one who feels it more than the one it is directed against. Somehow I believed that it would happen as it did. You were two desperate people and it was inevitable that you should snatch at a few hours of happiness while you could. I did not think there would be a child, but this, of course, was a possibility. You see how my mind worked.

I am really evil. And that I should have worked against you who have always been so kind to me …”

“Is that all your confession?” I asked.

She nodded. “Isn’t it enough?”

I kissed her. “Please forget it, Christabel. I knew it long ago. Carlotta is so important to me that I cannot brood on how she came to be here. I can only rejoice that she is.”

“It would have been better for you to have married Leigh. He loves you. Then you could have had children and they would have been with you. There wouldn’t have been all this secrecy.”

“You have always built up trouble, Christabel. You look for it. You look for slights.

I noticed that from the first. Edwin upset you.”

“I never really cared for Edwin. I know that now. I just wanted to escape from my poverty and insignificance. Edwin is weak. I like strong men.”

“And now you have your husband and child. Be happy, Christabel. You must be happy.

You must make the most of what life has given you. If you don’t, you might lose it.”