The Mariner

Guilt followed Jesus as wolves do the lame. He had failed Judas. Instead of finding forgiveness, as his own preaching taught, Jesus had succumbed to revenge. He needed to repent.

The Road Messiah no more, Jesus fell onto his knees and asked God for guidance. He had travelled the world preaching and he had travelled the world punishing, and neither had saved mankind from its own wickedness. Neither had saved him.

But God didn’t answer.

So Jesus boarded a small rowing boat and took himself out to sea. For forty days and forty nights Jesus rode the waves without food nor drink, hoping to be granted the sight to save his fellow man.

It was during this time the Devil came to tempt Jesus.

“Jesus. You’ve been ten days out at sea. Are you not hungry? Let me feed you.”

“No,” said Jesus. “I will eat when God wills me. Not you.”

“Jesus. It has been twenty days out at sea. Are you not thirsty? Let me refresh you.”

“No,” said Jesus. “I will drink when God wills me. Not you.”

“Jesus. It has been thirty days out at sea. Is there nothing you desire? I can give you anything, any yearning born of heart, guts, or loins. See what I bring you?”

And then the Devil showed Jesus a great many sights designed to lure him away from his rowing boat and into the depths, but Jesus refused them all.

“Devil, leave me be. I do not want your promises. They do not convince me. I do not want your bribes. They do not tempt me. I do not want your love. It does not warm me. Only God’s forgiveness will make me leave this boat.”

On the fortieth day Jesus still had not received God’s forgiveness nor his guidance. “I have not suffered enough,” he declared to the heavens. Taking a knife from his pouch, Jesus plunged it through both feet and both palms, mirroring his disciples’ wounds. Blood flowed freely from the cuts and as the first drop hit the ocean the sky turned dark.

“Why has my Son’s blood been spilt?” God’s voice was great and his fury sent tsunami’s in all directions.

“Father,” cried Jesus. “I have failed you, failed my disciples and failed my people. I am sorry. But I have suffered in this boat for forty days and forty nights, yet still you will not forgive me!”

“But Son,” spoke God, his anger quickly waning. “I was waiting for you to forgive yourself.”

And then Jesus realised he’d forgotten his first teaching, forgiveness comes from within.

With this wisdom he forgave himself, then he forgave the Devil for his temptation (though the Devil hated this act and resented him for it), and so finally his Father was able to give him the forgiveness he so desperately desired.

“Now will you save my people, Father?”

“No Jesus, but I shall tell you what to do.”

— The Shattered Testament by The Reverend McConnell