The Mist and the Lightning. Part 19

Nik didn’t answer him and took a bottle of unclean moonshine from the shelf.

“And even more so this abomination!” Sitting on the bed, Kors carefully watched his actions.

“What difference does it make to you, I’m not pouring it down your throat!” Nik filled the glass to the brim.

“I don’t like it when you’re drunk!”

“Ahhhhh… well…”

“Why are you ruining everything again now?! Don’tyou understand that with this drink you are building a wall between us!”

But Nik paid no more attention to Kors. He drank the contents of the glass without any pauses and without looking up.

“Take some bread at least…”

“Vitor, stop grazing me, go to bed already! We have a lot of business to do tomorrow.”

“Yes? Business? Tell me it you care about it!” Kors remarked caustically.

“I care!”

“No, Nik! You are not interested in anything! You don’t have an interesting hobby. You don’t give a shit about anything! From what you love, you experience an incomparable feeling of joy without any stimulants. When you do something important for you, it captivates, inspires, and you don’t want to dull your mind with alcohol.”

“Stay away…”

“It gives a surge of strength, you want to wake up early and quickly start doing what you are interested in, forgetting about everything. But you don’t understand, you don’t give a damn about anything, you’re bored, you get sick all the time, you feel bad. You live from dose to dose, just to feel normal! And nothing makes you happy. You can’t do anything but pull yourself out of the hole. And again there inexorably crawl. You wake up from the fact that you need a dose, and fall asleep from the fact that you took a dose and finally you can pass out. What interesting things I’m talking about!”

“I do everything.”

“Under the threat of punishment! Because you were ordered!”

“Come on, come on, remind me of the Shit World and my broken wings, always the same song…”

“Everything was so good! And you ruin everything again! With these eternal catch-ups! Then you “catch up” for a week! And you still can’t get out, and then you stupidly fall through again and again you try to get rid of the torment and catch up, only so as not to experience these breakdowns. Endlessly! Do you like it?! Is it true? Always feel yourself in a position — ‘I have to catch up, otherwise I will die’?”

“No. And… yes.”

“You fucking idiot… you ruined my mood again… I just got better! And you ruined me again!” Kors shouted in annoyance.

“That’s all, back off!” Nik also raised his voice.

“Are you interested in anything when you need to catch up?”

“No!”

“And in me?”

“Just don’t bother me! And that’s all! I don’t bother you.”

“I love you, Nik! You have to understand it!”

“I love you too,” Nik went up to his father and sat down next to him, looking into his eyes penetratingly and blinking his long eyelashes:

“I changed for you, Vitor. I forgot when was the last time I had a real blast, drank without thinking about anything, and fucked whoever I want. One day with some, the other with others, changing them several times a night and not even remembering their names. I became faithful because we have a family and I value our relationship.”

“No! Nik, you are spoiled and ruining everything around! And now you have defiled all the beautiful things that just happened between us! You’re a damn Demon who ruins everything!”

“You know, if you want to see the Demon, look in the mirror!”

Kors clenched his fists in despair. He really wanted to give Nik a slap for his behavior right now, and Nik felt it. He froze, waiting for a blow, and he was ready to dutifully accept it from his father. But just as much as he wanted to hit him, Kors wanted to hug him, to press the top of his white, shaggy head tightly to his chest. He wanted to hit and caress his Nik at the same time, because he was angry with him and loved him very much. Not understanding what he wanted more, Kors ended up doing neither, he simply defiantly turned away, lay face down, burying his face in the pillow, and muttered:

“That’s all, leave me alone, Nik, I want to sleep.”

He “heard” how Nik internally went out of indignation, from the fact that Kors first began to bring him to emotions and reproach, and then he himself abruptly closed the topic. But Nik coped with indignation and did not continue to sort things out, but simply lay down next to him, turning away and covering himself with a blanket over his head.

So they lay, silent and offended at each other, until they finally fell asleep, and, waking up in the morning, began to prepare for their departure from the Estate.

Chapter 19