The Most Dangerous Dame

You go on these rampages after people are killed, become this righteous warrior. But it’s not because you care about them. It’s because that’s the only way you can create a facsimile of self-worth.

Benny looked at me, chewing like there was no tomorrow. “You all right, Mick?”

I cracked a wry grin. “Never been better, champ.”

“You don’t look it.”

“Never mind me. How are you doing?”

“Not too bad.” He hesitantly touched his side. “Getting stabbed wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. Barely feel it.”

“Fantastic, kid. Like I said — we’ll make a bruiser outta you yet.”

“Yeah, about that.” He wiped his mouth with a thick white napkin. “I think I’m gonna get out the business, Mick.”

My eyebrows lifted. “Really? What’s your uncle think about that?”

“Haven’t told him yet. But my mind’s made up. I wanna do something else.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno.” His massive shoulders shrugged. “Just something else. I used to think I’d be letting everyone down if I didn’t fall in and do what they wanted. I don’t think so anymore. I think every person has to choose for themselves. So I’m choosing to get out.”

I raised my mug in salute. “Wish you the best, Benny.”

He grinned as he stood up. “Well, I’m not gonna stall. I’m gonna have that talk with my uncle now. Hopefully he won’t fit me for a New Haven trench coat afterward.”

“I doubt that, kid. I think Flacco respects a man with respect for himself.”

“Yeah?” Benny stuck out his hand. “Thanks, Mick. Thanks for taking a chance on me.”

I shook his beefy mitt. “Sure, kid. Anytime you wanna get dropped from the skylanes or stabbed in the stomach, look me up.”

He laughed as he pulled on his jacket. “Gonna miss hanging out with you, Mick.”

“Me too, kid.”

He waved on his way out.

Poddar appeared thoughtful as he stared at the exit. “Did he just leave without paying?”

“He’s Mafioso, Poddar. They got fringe benefits.”

“That’s no excuse for—”

“Let it go, Pod. I got the tab. How’s the arm?”

He glanced down. “Not bad. Stings a little.”

“Sorry about that. Appreciate the backup, though.”

“We’re partners. Despite you dumping me for the mobster.”

“I didn’t dump you, Poddar. Geez, keep the bromance alive, willya? You didn’t want any of this anyway. Benny’s got the girth to brush off a stomach stab. The same thing might’ve killed you.”

His smile was sly as he sipped chai tea from a tiny mug. “I didn’t know you cared, Mick.”

I threw up my hands. “Oh for crying out loud—”

He pushed back his plate and gave me a critical glance. “How are you, by the way?”

“A walking wad of pain, Poddar. But I’ll get better.”

His dark eyes were solemn. “I’m not talking about your wounds. I’m asking how you are.”

I shifted uncomfortably in the chair. “I don’t know, Poddar. I’ve never been a good judge of how I’m doing.”

“You should learn. A man who does not know himself knows little else.”

I stared at the table. “Do you think a person can change, Poddar? You know — become a different man? A better man?”

His brows furrowed as he poured more tea into his mug. “Ms. Kilby told you a story once. About some children stolen from my village by pillaging slavers.”

“Yeah. She told me. Said you got the name ‘Prince’ by the folks there because you chased down the slavers and brought the kids home.”

“That’s right.” His expression darkened. “I killed every one of those men, Mick.”

“You did what you had to do.”

“I did what I wanted to do.” Tea spattered on the table. He set the mug down with trembling fingers. “I still see their faces at night sometimes.”

I took a bite of egg and toast. “That was a long time ago. And I bet the children you rescued weren’t crying about it.”

His smile was bitter. “Most of those children are probably dead by now. It was a very poor place, and you know what poverty does to people. I couldn’t deal with what I did, so I ended up leaving. I thought I could leave that whole life behind me. I met Ms. Kilby and worked for her. I went to new places and saw new things. I thought things were better. Then we came here. Then she went missing.”

I saw where the conversation was headed. “So you did what you had to again.”

He was quiet for a long moment before he picked up his mug again and sipped. “I don’t know if we can change who we are, Mick. I just know I have to try.”

“Amen to that, brother.”

“You see Natasha yet?”

“No.”

“You can’t avoid her forever, Mick.”

“I checked on her. Dropped by to have Whiz collect my stuff and put in in holding until I found a new pad. He told me Natasha was holding a meet and greet for the folks at her complex. She’s widening out, trying to get to know people. I thought it was a good idea.”

Poddar tilted his head. “Yes, but did you talk to her?”

I sighed. “I saw her. She was in the ballroom getting things set up. She looked… happy. Haven’t seen that look in a long time.”

“Then you left before she spotted you.”

“Exactly.”