The Nonesuch

“Yes, but I don’t want it. It wouldn’t suit me at all. I haven’t any taste for the law, either. I didn’t think of it at the time, but if you had suggested the Church to me, when I was up at Oxford, there would have been some sense in it. I daresay I shouldn’t have liked it above half, but I wonder you shouldn’t have thought of it, if you’re so eager to thrust me into some profession or other. After all, I know you’ve several good livings in your gift! However, it’s too late now.”

“That’s just as well, for I can think of few men less suited to the Church.”

“No, very likely I should have found it a dead bore. Not but what a snug parsonage—But it’s of no consequence! I fancy I’ve hit on the very thing, Waldo! What’s more, if the thing comes off right there’s a fortune in it!”

Concealing his misgivings, Sir Waldo invited him to continue.

“Well, I hadn’t meant to broach it to you so soon,” said Laurence, rather naively. “But since you’ve asked me to—and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t care for the scheme: in fact, I’m persuaded you’ll think it’s the very thing—”

“You are filling me with foreboding, Laurie. Do put me out of suspense!”

“Of course, if you mean to set your face against it from the start I might as well keep my tongue!” said Laurence peevishly.

“We haven’t reached the start yet. Cut line!” commanded his cousin.

Laurence looked offended for a moment, but he managed to swallow his spleen. “Yes—Well—well, are you acquainted with Kearney, Waldo?”

“No.”

“Desmond Kearney!” Sir Waldo shook his head. “Oh! I daresay he may not have come in your way, though I should have thought you must have met him. He’s the devil of a man to hounds—a clipping rider! But you high sticklers are so top-lofty—” He broke off, and said hastily: “Not that it signifies! The thing is, Kearney is a friend of mine. Not a feather to fly with, but a first-rate man, and a capital judge of horseflesh! We mean to become partners.”

“Partners in what?” asked Sir Waldo blankly.

“Hunters! Selling ’em, I mean.”

“O my God!”

“I suppose I might have guessed you would—No, do but listen, Waldo!” begged Laurence, suddenly altering his tone. “Only think of the blunt some of the Melton men drop on their hunters! Well, you’re one yourself, so you should know! They say Lord Alvanley gave seven hundred guineas for one of the nags he bought last year, and I could name you a score of men who think nothing of shelling out five or six hundred for horses that were bought originally for no more than eighty or a hundred guineas! Why, if you was to put your own stud under the hammer—just your hunters and your hacks: not your driving-cattle, of course—they wouldn’t fetch a penny under five thousand! I daresay you’re thinking the scheme might not fadge, but—”

“Might not fadge!” interrupted Sir Waldo. “You’d find yourselves at point non-plus within a twelvemonth!”

“No, that we shouldn’t! We have it all planned, and I’d be willing to lay you any odds we shall make an excellent hit. Of course, at first we shall be obliged to spend a good deal of blunt—no need to tell you that!—but—”

“No need at all!”

“Well, there’s no doing anything unless one has some capital! The thing is—”

“Thank you, I know what the thing is!” said Sir Waldo acidly. “For God’s sake, will you stop trying to tip me a rise? I never in my life listened to such an addle-brained scheme! Do you think me such a flat that I would provide the capital for such a crazy venture? Go into partnership with a man who hasn’t a feather to fly with? Oh, no! Laurie! Coming it too strong!”

“If you would but listen—! Kearney ain’t any plumper in the pocket than I am, but he’s just come into some property! It was that circumstance which put the notion into his head! He’s inherited a place in Ireland, from his uncle—Galway, I think. Sounds to me much like this place: gone to rack, and the house pretty well tumbling down. Seemed to him more of a liability than a honey-fall, for there’s no getting rid of it as it stands.”

“It seems like that to me too.”

“Well, that’s where you’re out! We mean to put it to dashed good use! Kearney’s been to look it over, and he says there’s plenty of ground attached, and acres of stabling, which only needs repairing to furnish us with precisely what we need. Now, Waldo, you must know that Ireland’s the place for picking up first-rate horses for no more than eighty pounds apiece! No cart-horse blood there! No black drop! A year’s schooling, and you sell ’em over here for a couple of hundred at the least!”

“If you think that I’m going to set you up as a horse chanter—”

“No such thing!” exclaimed Laurence indignantly. “They won’t be unsound horses!”

“They will be if you have anything to do with choosing them.”