The pool of St Branok

"It is not goodbye, you know. I shall soon be in England."

"Oh no, Ben. There must be more gold in that mine ... yet."

"Gold! Gold! You think of nothing but gold."

"No, Ben, I only talk of it. You live for it."

"You don't understand."

"I do ... absolutely. Enjoy what you have and don't reach for the impossible. That is what I am going to do. You must go now."

He went to the door and looked back at me.

"Angel, please don't forget me."

He was gone. I went to the door and leaned against it. A terrible desolation swept over me.

Then I went to Rebecca's cot. She was awake. She looked at me wonder-ingly and then I saw recognition in her eyes. I saw what seemed to me a smile of contentment.

I thanked God for Rebecca.

Two days later we left. It seemed that everyone in the township had come to see us off.

Our baggage had been sent to the docks a week before and now we ourselves were ready to board the coach.

There were handshakes and good wishes; signs of envy and the nostalgia for home were more evident than usual.

Ben was there with Lizzie. He looked very sad; so did she.

"Both of the little babies going," sighed Lizzie.

Ben took my hand.

"Don't forget us. Don't forget me."

I looked at him intently and I said: "Do you think I ever could?"

The words would have seemed normal enough to any listener, but both of us knew they meant something special.

Then we were off. I looked out of the window until we had passed through the town. I had longed to go and now I could only think: I may never see him again.

But Rebecca was in my arms; and as I held her warm body against my own I knew I had a great deal to live for.

The Return

The voyage was uneventful. There were warm days on deck when we sat and dreamily talked. We could not help comparing this with the last voyage and memories of Gervaise were ever present. He had been full of optimism, so certain was he that he would come home a rich man. It had never occurred to him that he might not come home at all.

There was rough weather in the Tasman Sea and sailing round the Cape, Morwenna kept to her cabin. Justin and I sat on deck and, because we were alone, we could refer to matters which we had kept secret from Morwenna.

He was amazingly frank. I think he could not forget that Gervaise had saved his life and it seemed incredible that he could have lost his own in doing so when only a short time ago he had clearly shown that he despised him.

I had a notion that Justin wished to look after me as a kind of compensation for not being able to express his gratitude to Gervaise.

"He was the one who should have been saved," he said. "He was a better man than I.I do not believe I should have gone down to save him. I have thought a lot about it, Angelet. They brought him up dead and my first thought was: No one will know now what happened. Only Angelet knows and I am safe with her."

"I should not reproach yourself on that score, Justin," I said. "I suppose it would be a natural reaction."

"But that he should have died saving me ..."

"Yes, that was significant. But it was typical of Gervaise. He would always act nobly automatically ... in ordinary life. It was only when he was at the card table that he changed."

"But he would never have cheated."

"No ... not at cards. But it is cheating in a way to gamble with money you haven't got." I was thinking too of Madame Bougerie. "Gervaise did that." I went on: "He was noble in a way; he was wonderfully kind, self-sacrificing too as he showed so clearly ... but no one is perfect. Justin, you've got to forget all this. It's all behind you."

"I haven't cheated at cards since," he said.

"And you will give all that up?"

He was silent for a while. Then he said: "It was my living, Angelet."

"You mean ... you lived on your winnings ... those which came to you through your way of playing!"

"It's polite of you to put it that way. It's what is called living by your wits. One can win large sums of money in the London clubs. What I did in the township was ... trivial. It's exciting because once you are caught it is over forever. But I was very good at it. I must have been very slack to have been caught like that by Gervaise."

"Poor Morwenna," I said. "She has such a high opinion of you."

"I promised myself that if I found gold I'd give it all up. I was longing for that. Since I married Morwenna, I've battled with my conscience. She thinks I have a private income. The only income I have is ... from this."

"You could have gone to work at Pencarron Mine."

"I couldn't face it. Life in that remote spot far away from everything I was used to ..."

"And now?"

"I've changed. All that has happened has changed me. I'm trying to be honest. I was caught by Gervaise ... That means I'm slipping. I was not so good. It's ever since I married Morwenna ... And now there is the baby ... It's made a lot of difference to me. If Morwenna's father offered me something down there, I'd take it, Angelet ... and I'd do my best to make a good thing of it."