The pool of St Branok

"I think," he said, "we should go and see if the luggage is all right."

I was relieved. It seemed a good idea.

Even now I am not sure how it happened or why I allowed it to. He had brought the luggage out. The train was in the station. It was the train we should take to Paris.

A porter had seized our bags.

I cried: "He thinks we are going on the train."

Gervaise did not answer. He allowed the porter to go and followed him, taking me with him.

"Explain to him," I shouted.

"It's all right," said Gervaise. The porter put the bags on the train. Gervaise gave him some money.

I said: "What are you doing, Gervaise? How ... ?"

He turned to me and smiled and pushed me down into a seat.

"If you are not careful ..."I began, "the train will go... . What game is this?"

"Wait and see," he said.

The train had started to move and I cried out in alarm.

"It had to be," said Gervaise. "It's the only way. I was absolutely cleaned out."

"What of Madame Bougerie's bill?"

"I'll send her the money."

"But you didn't explain."

"How could I? She'd never understand. I'll write."

"What will she think?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Listen to me," he said. "It was the only way. I paid last week. It is only one week owing. It was lucky about the luggage. That's what gave me the idea last night. It is better to do it this way. There would have been a terrible fuss. Goodness knows what would have happened. I could never have got it over to her. You know she thinks she understands English."

I sat back in my seat staring at him in horror.

"Thank goodness we had our return tickets," he said. "You see, it all worked out."

"Gervaise," I said. "How could you? It is cheating, it is stealing ..."

"No," he said. "She'll get the money. I'll see that she gets it."

I sat down helplessly. I felt covered in shame.

No one is perfect. I must never forget his loving tenderness. I would always remember the first night of our marriage when he had miraculously lifted me out of my terror, when he had freed me from that haunting specter. Never, never must I forget that. And this ... it was something they had warned me of. It was why my father had made some complicated arrangement about the settlement. I must do something. I could not allow us to cheat. I thought of the horror there would be in Madame Bougerie's face when she realized her guests had left ... without paying. How could he have done it ... and in such a lighthearted way!

He might send the money in time. He would probably send more than he owed to make up for what he had done. But that was not the point. The money must be sent without delay.

I must do something.

The thought preoccupied me all the way home. Gone was the magic of the outward journey. Gervaise realized and was contrite.

"If I had known how much it was going to upset you," he said, "I would have thought of something else."

"There wasn't anything else. You had gambled with the money which was really Madame Bougerie's. It's dishonest, Gervaise."

"Not if I pay it back. I'll send her extra for the trouble."

We were staying at the Mandeville town house until we had a home of our own. There was no one to greet us because we had come earlier than had been expected. I was glad of this. I did not want to have to give explanations.

I would not rest until I had sent the money to Madame Bougerie.

I did know that the money my father had settled on me was to be kept in my name and that the capital could not be touched without the agreement of my parents. I was to get an income which would be paid to me. This had been agreed between my family and the Mandevilles. The income would not be large and I had not yet received the first installment. I needed money quickly and I knew approximately how much and it must be a little more because of the trouble we had caused. I wrote and asked my father for it.

It came almost at once. He guessed that I had had expenses on my honeymoon. I was relieved. I went to the bank and discovered I could change English money into French; and it was mailed off immediately to the auberge. I wrote a note apologizing for the trouble we had caused, explaining rather vaguely that we had had to return to England without delay, and if we had not caught that train we should have lost a day, so we had had to take it. I humbly begged Madame's pardon for what must have seemed inexcusable behavior.

When the money had gone off I told Gervaise what I had done.

He looked at me sadly: "I'm sorry, Angelet," he said. "You see the sort of a man you have married. Do you despise me?"

"Of course not. But it seemed ... so awful, I couldn't bear it."

"I know. You are so good ... so honest."

"I'm not. I'm not. But going off like that ... Please, please, Gervaise, don't let us do anything like that again."

"We won't," he said fervently. "I promise we won't."