The private life of the cat who...: tales of Koko and Yum Yum from the journal of James Mackintosh Qwilleran

When I started writing the “Qwill Pen” column for The Moose County Something, I envisioned a forum for ideas, book reviews, personality stories, and information on local occupations and hobbies. In a weak moment I happened to mention that I shared my domicile with two Siamese cats. Cat fanciers all over the county responded with newsworthy tales of their own feline housemates.

Moose County, I swear, has more cats per capita than any other county in the U.S. Readers asked questions about Koko and Yum Yum, wrote letters to Koko and Yum Yum, and otherwise developed a chummy rapport. Reader participation is always welcomed by small-town newspapers, but we had almost more than we wanted. Wherever I went, strangers shouted, “Hi, Mr. Q! How’s Koko?” . . . “Did Yum Yum find her thimble?”

Thought-provoking topics were suggested for discussion: Why do cats do what they do? Do cats have a sense of humor? No hardworking columnist is averse to having readers share his workload, and some curious incidents were aired in the “Qwill Pen” column.

about toulouse

 He was half-starved when he came to that particular doorstep in Indian Village. Did he sense that Mildred Riker was food writer for The Moose County Something?

He was a sad sight, she recalled, his fur matted with blood and mud, one bad ear, and a slight limp. We gave him a dish of tuna—not too much at first—we didn’t want him to make himself sick. He didn’t even sniff it! He stared for a moment—in what must have been disbelief—and then did something very curious. He raised his right front paw and did three pawing motions in the air before starting to eat, as if asking a blessing! It was so touching! Such a winning gesture! We adopted him at once.

Now, after a bath and a trip to the vet and a proper diet, he’s a handsome black-and-white longhair. But here’s the amazing thing! Before every meal he still paws the air three times!

about princess

 From Purple Point comes an anonymous note:

Princess is pure white with four black feet and two black ears that she wears like a crown. I brought her with me when I visited my daughter. The guest bed was queen-size and had some designer bed sheets (Dior, as I recall). A most unusual design! Broad stripes in bold colors ran diagonally across the bed! At home Princess has her own royal suite, but when we travel, she sleeps with me. Imagine my surprise when she arranged herself on one of the stripes—and slept diagonally for our entire stay! . . . My daughter said I should write to you about this.

about gin gin

 While visiting a friend in Paris, I met her cat, Gin Gin, a charming Siamese who presented me with a green feather when we were introduced. It was an obvious compliment, because the feather was his favorite possession. We shared it during my stay. He was always busy with it, carrying it around, putting it in some special place, guarding it, letting me have it for a brief while—a most engaging ritual! But after I returned home, my friend wrote to say that Gin Gin had lost his feather! He was distraught! The apartment had been turned upside down in search of the feather. No luck! Friends brought other feathers in other colors. Gin Gin wanted his own green feather! How to explain this? What to do?

My advice: Consult a psycatatrist. I presumed there would be one in Paris.

I wrote in the “Qwill Pen” column: “Yum Yum has a new and amusing prank. She pulls the bookmark out of the book I’m reading, causing me to lose my place. Very funny! Someday she’ll learn how to put it back in the wrong place, and that’ll be a real boffo!”

The questions about cats’ humor brought such a flood of replies from readers that it was necessary to add to the staff in the mail department. Slitting envelopes, reading the contents, returning the letter in the envelope (a chore in itself), and routing it to me was a time-consuming process until the management decreed that all communications to the “Qwill Pen” must be condensed to fit on a government postal card. As a result, the sale of postal cards became so overwhelming in Moose County post offices that an investigation was thought necessary at one point; it was feared that the cards were being used for some illegal purpose. At the newspaper a part-time assistant is still required to scan and classify the messages. My query about the feline sense of humor brought more responses than any other topic, leading to the conclusion that the sense of humor belongs less to the cat and more to the cat lover. Some examples:

“My cat likes to steal the top of my pen and bury it in his commode. (A scatological joke.) By the time I dredge it out of the kitty gravel, the bottom of the pen has disappeared.”

“When I put my hand in my pocket, I never know what I’ll find: a grape? . . . a dollar bill that doesn’t belong to me? . . . a fur ball? . . . or worse?”

“What is so funny about dragging a toothbrush into the living room when you have company that you’re trying to impress?”