The prodigal spy

“I don’t know, Nick,” his father said, slumping a little so the light caught the shiny waves of his hair. “I don’t know. Maybe she thought she did. Maybe she met me someplace and decided she didn’t like me for some reason. Maybe she’s crazy-you know, the way people make things up? Like when you’re afraid of the dark-you think there’s someone there even when there isn’t. Well, everybody’s afraid of the dark now. So they keep seeing things.”

“Grownups aren’t afraid of the dark.”

“It’s an expression. I mean afraid in general. They’re afraid of all kinds of things, so they keep seeing bogeymen everywhere. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, Nick. Maybe you can’t explain a bogeyman-he’s just there.”

“Communists, you mean.”

His father nodded. “That’s who it is now. Maybe next week it’ll be something else.”

Nick said nothing, thinking.

“Not much help, is it?” his father said. “I don’t have an explanation, Nick.”

“Are they going to stop?”

“They can’t-not yet.” His voice had begun to drift, away from Nick to some private conversation. “Sometimes I think it was the war. We got into the habit of having enemies. That’s a hard habit to break. After a while, you don’t know any other way to think. And one day it’s over and they turn on all the lights again and expect things to go back to the way they were, but nobody knows how to stop. They’re used to it. They have to get new enemies. It’s the way things make sense to them.”

“For always?” Nick said.

His question brought his father back. “No,” he said, “things change. That’s why we need people like you,” he added, his voice lighter now. He pulled up the covers again. “Who weren’t there. Who don’t even remember it. It’ll be different for you. What’s going on now-” His voice lifted, like a verbal wave of the hand. “You’ll forget that too. It’ll just be history.” He paused. “Just a bad dream.”

“It’s not a dream now,” Nick said quietly. “I saw it.”

His father looked at him, stalling again. “No,” he said, “not now.” Then he tapped Nick’s forehead with his finger. “You’re a pragmatist, Nick. That’s what you are.”

“What’s that?”

“Oh, someone who keeps his eye on the ball. Feet on the ground. You know. Not like someone else we know, huh?” he said, pointing to himself.

“Mom says I’m like you. Aren’t you a pragmatist?” Nick said, getting it right.

“Sure. Not as good as you, though. You’ll have to help me out, okay? Keep me on my toes.”

Nick nodded, but he knew, with the same dread he’d felt in the movies, there was nothing he could do to help. His father was just trying to make him feel better-a different land of lie, like pretending he wasn’t worried, pretending it was all going to go away.

“That’s the thing about history anyway,” his father said. “You still have to live through it. Before you know how it’s going to come out. So you keep me on my toes. Of course, to do that you have to grow, and to do that — ”

“I know. Sleep. But Dad-”

“Ssh. No more. We’ll talk tomorrow. It’s supposed to snow, you know. I’ll bet it’s already snowing up at the cabin. Wind blowing it all over the place. Swoosh.” His father leaned over and made a wind sound in his ear, tickling him and making him burrow deeper under the covers. It was their old game, from when he was little. “Here it comes, down the chimney.” He made another wind sound. “But we don’t care, do we? We’ll just stay warm and cozy.” His father always said that.

“Snug as a bug in a rug,” Nick said, as he always did.

“That’s right,” his father said softly. “Snug as a bug in a rug.”

“Dad? If it snows, will you have to go to the hearing?”

His father smiled. “I think Mr Welles would insist. No snow days for him.”

“Don’t go,” Nick said, his voice suddenly urgent. “He’s trying to get you. I saw him.”

“Ssh. Don’t worry, he won’t. He’s only a bogeyman, and they never get anybody. We make them up, remember?” he said playfully. Then, seeing Nick’s solemn face, he nodded. “I know. I’ll be careful. This one’s really there.” He stood up, smoothing the covers. “He made himself up, I guess. Some world, isn’t it? All he used to be was a dumb cluck from Oklahoma.”

“Walter?” his mother said from the doorway. “Larry’s here. Nick, are you still up?”

“We’ve been going over my defense strategy,” Nick’s father said. “We’re hoping for a snow day.”

“Walter,” his mother said, shooting him a glance.

“Uncle Larry’s here?” Nick said, starting to get up. “Where?”

“Not tonight, kiddo,” his father said. “It’s late.”