The Saint Meets His Match (She was a Lady)

It was a wild and desperate scheme, the kind of scheme which a man only forms after a sleepless night fortified with too many cigarettes and too much strong drink taken alone and in fear; but it was the only answer he could find to his problem. He was quite calm and decided about that. When at last he dragged himself to bed, he was more calm and cold and decided than he had ever been be­fore in all his life, was Lord Essenden, that fussy and peevish little man.

 

 

 

2

 

Simon Templar picked up the sheet of paper on which he had been working spasmodically during the return from Paris, and cleared his throat.

"We understand," he said, "that the following lines have been awarded the Dumbbell Prize for Literature:

 

"The King sits in the silent town,

Sipping his China tea:

'And where shall I find a fearless knight

To bear a sword for me?

 

'The beasts are leagued about my gates,

The vultures seek the slain,

Till a perfect knight shall rise and ride

To find the Grail again.'

 

Then up and spake a Minister,

Sat at the King's right knee:

'Basil de Bathmat Dilswipe Boil

Has a splendid pedigree.

 

'His brother is Baron de Bathmat Boil,

Who owns the Daily Squeal,

And everybody knows he is

Impeccably genteel.'

 

'Has he been with my men-at-arms,

Has he borne scars for me,

That I should take this Basil Boil

Among my chivalry?'

 

'Sire, in a war some years ago

You called him to the fray,

And he would have served you loyally,

But his conscience bade him nay.

 

'And they took him before the judges,

Because he did rebel,

And he lay a year in prison

To save his soul from hell.'

 

'Then what have I for a portent,

What bring you me for a sign,

That I should take this coistril

To be a knight of mine?'

 

'Sire, we are bringing in a bill

Which the Daily Squeal could foil,

And it might be wise to wheedle

Baron de Bathmat Boil.'

 

Then the King rose up in anger

And seared them with his gaze:

'You  have  taken  the  wine and  the  laughter,

The pride and the grace of days;

 

'The last fair woman is faded,

And the last man dead for shame,

But a dog from the gutter shall serve me

Before this man you name.'

 

They heard, and did not answer;

They heard, and did not bend;

And he saw their frozen stillness

And knew it was the end.

 

Basil de Bathmat Dilswipe Boil

They brought upon a day,

And the King gave him the accolade

And turned his face away.

 

And saw beyond his windows

The tattered flags unfurled;

And on his brow was a crown of iron   

And the weariness of the world."

 

"What's that supposed to be?" asked the girl blankly.