The Secret Chronicles of Henry Dashwood, Vol. 2

I am sure that he felt the electrically-charged atmosphere in the room for he proceeded to speak carefully, weighing his words, trying his best not to inflame the deep divisions which he was aware already existed between his students. At first we listened in silence as he said: 'Contrary to what some of you might have read, I am not one of those people who believe that the Boers are merely simple, brave farmers who are lighting to protect their homeland against aggressive British imperialists. President Kruger, who as you know, has fled to Europe to drum up support for the Boers on the Continent, is an obstinate and reactionary old fool who has led his people up a blind alley. 'On the other hand, the case against the Boers has been over-stated and our interests are far from being in the welfare of the natives or our own colonists, but far more about the diamonds and gold waiting to be extracted from the South African mines! Now, like it or not, de Wet is a thorn in our side and my opinion is that it would not only be morally right, but less expensive in lives and property on both sides, to reach some kind of accommodation with him.' So far, he was heard with only a subdued rumbling from the two camps but then he paused to take a sip from a glass of water and went on: 'For not only has the policy proved unsuccessful, but Lord Kitchener's policy of herding Boer women and children into concentration camps is unworthy of the British Empire. It is a stain upon our national character and I bitterly regret that Joseph Chamberlain and the Government have played the familiar gambit of rushing out troops and then denouncing any reasonable opposition to the conflict as treachery.' 'It is treachery!' snorted Maurice FitzAllen loudly.

'Down with the pro-Boers! Hurrah for our gallant fads risking their lives on the Veldt!' Dr Barnes shook his head sadly. 'I don't think there is any point in continuing the discussion,' he commented.

'If you believe my country right or wrong then all I can say is that genuinely I feel sorry for you, for as Chesterton trenchantly argues, “my country right or wrong” is a thing no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, “my mother, drunk or sober”! This sally made the pro-Boer party burst into applause and may well have won over many of the neutrals. However, Maurice FitzAllen was so infuriated that he gathered his books together and stormed out of the lecture-hall, stopping only at the door to shout: 'God save the King!' For a second time this day Charles defused the situation, for he could not refrain from calling back: 'What has he got to do with it? The monarchy is supposed to be above politics and anyhow, Teddy is probably more concerned about getting his leg over Mrs. Keppel!' This caused a howl of laughter from all but the most rabid of FitzAllen's supporters who silently followed their leader out of the room. Dr Barnes looked up at the clock on the wall and said: 'I think this would be a good moment to close these proceedings. Thank you for your attention, gentlemen, I look forward to seeing you here again next week.' A smiling chap came over to Charlie and offered his congratulations on the way he had helped make FitzAllen look so foolish. He clapped him on the back and said: 'Many thanks for helping Dr Barnes to see off FitzAllen, he's a nasty piece of work and deserves all the ridicule that can be heaped upon him. I don't think we've met, have we? My name's Joshua Allen.'

Charles and I shook his preferred hand. 'Henry Dashwood, I said. 'My own feeling is that we should give this bastard a taste of his own medicine,' opined Johnny, but I sided with Charles when he said that this would merely be descending to FitzAllen's level.

Then Joshua snapped his fingers and said excitedly: 'I have it!

Let's face it, there is nothing that deflates a bully as much as ridicule. Well, I have a plan which will make the cad look so silly that he will hardly dare show his face around the college for weeks.'

I said: 'That sounds like a good idea to me, Joshua. What's your plan?' He stroked his chin and said thoughtfully: 'I'll explain my scheme, but it will all depend upon Rosamund whether we can pull it off.' 'Rosamund? Hey, you don't mean our maidservant, do you?' exclaimed Charlie. The girl who cleans our rooms? She's an attractive young lass and I've fancied my chances of taking down her knickers.'