The Shadows

He put his hands out. “Selena, I—”

“You want to know what death is! I’ll tell you what it is—death is the living forgetting you! What you smell like and look like, what your voice sounds like, how you laugh! Even if there is an afterlife, my death is going to be you going on without me until you can’t remember what color my eyes are or how long my hair is—”

It turned out she was the one who went Luchas.

Suddenly, her vision went all white and she had no control over the way she lunged for the nearest lamp, yanked it off its side table, and hurled it across the room at the bank of windows, throwing the thing so hard its silk shade went flying and hit the chandelier hanging in the middle of the ceiling.

Cue the shattering. Everything broke, glass splintering into shimmers that went everywhere, such that Trez had to lift his arm to protect his eyes.

She burst into tears. “I don’t want you to go on without me.”

As her soul split in half, he jumped up and came over. When he tried to hug her, she flailed at him, beat him with her fists.

“You’re going to find someone else,” she moaned. “You’re going to fall in love with someone else and she’s going to be able to give you young and hold you when you have daymares and make you dinner.” The tears came so hard and heavy, she couldn’t take a breath. “And she’s going to be better than me because she’s going to . . .” Selena collapsed against him. “. . . she’s going to be lucky enough to be alive.”

Trez held her to his heart and stroked her back.

There it was. The truth was out. The evil she had been trying to package and pretty-bow up revealed because she had wanted to be a female of worth instead of the pathetic, clingy curse she actually was.

And yet, he was still with her. Standing soul-to-soul, flesh-to-flesh, undaunted, utterly determined to love her through it all.

Eventually, she became aware of the beat of his heart.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

So steady and strong.

Taking a shuddering breath, she eased back. As he brushed under her eyes with his thumbs, she said hoarsely, “Wow, that went well, huh?”

SIXTY

As Selena spoke up, Trez broke out a laugh. And she smiled.

They were both total hot messes, her face swollen and beet red from the screaming and the crying, his forearm bleeding from the glass that had hit him, their bodies shaky as they stood together.

“Did you practice all that?” he asked, brushing her hair back.

“Oh, yeah. For, like, hours.”

He led her over to the bed and sat them both down—before they fell over onto the broken glass that littered the carpet. “And in your head, how did it go?”

Selena leaned to the side for the Kleenex box next to the alarm clock. She offered him a tissue, and then took one for herself.

After they’d both blown their noses, she took another deep breath. “It went so well. You were touched at my magnanimity. Humbled by the purity of my love. And when I got teary, it was all Sleepless in Seattle dewy—not like this.”

As she indicated her face, he tilted her to him and kissed her. “You’re even more beautiful to me than ever.”

She rolled her eyes. “Come on, get real. I just told you I want you to be celibate for the rest of your life.”

“And nothing could possibly make me happier.”

“Trez, be real. That is a total bitch move on my part.”

“Do you think I’d be any different?” He shrugged. “Man, if I were to die? I wouldn’t want you to look at another male—forget being naked with him.” He couldn’t hide the recoil of disgust as he tried that nightmare on for size. “Oh, shit, nope. No way. Uh-huh.”

“Really?”

“Straight one hundred. Serious.”

As she looked down at the rug, the most beautiful smile hit her face.

Man, it felt good to be on the same page.

But then her expression faded.

They were quiet for an awfully long time. And he had a feeling he knew where she’d gone in her head.

“Life can be very long,” she said. As if she were imagining the time he had before him—and how things could change.

“Yes, it can.” He felt as though they had lived three lifetimes in the last two nights. “But my memory is stronger than time. When it comes to you, my memory will be the immortal part of me.”

“If it does come to pass.” She cleared her throat. “If you do find someone, I want you to know . . . I would never hold that against you. I love you too much to blame you for that.”

“Not going to happen.”

Selena snapped free another tissue, but she didn’t use it. She just folded the fragile square in half. And then halved it again. And a third time.