THE SHELTERS OF STONE

"It was perfect, Ayla. Just the white color was decoration enough. Everyone thought you left it undecorated on purpose, and they were so impressed. Marthona told me she liked the way you were not afraid to let quality and good workmanship be its own decoration. I think you are going to be seeing some white tunics around," he said.

"When Marthona said I wouldn't be able to see you or talk to you until after the ceremony, I was ready to break every Zelandonii custom there was just to give it to you. That's when Marthona said she would do it, although I think she thought even that was too much contact. But I didn't know if you liked it, and I didn't know if you would understand why I wanted you to wear it."

"How could I have been so stupid and blind that winter? I loved you so much. I wanted you so much. Every time you went to Ranee's bed, I couldn't stand it. I couldn't sleep, I'd hear every sound. That's why I took you that day out on the steppe when we went out to train Racer. I could feel every movement of your body when we rode out together on Whinney. Can you ever forgive me for forcing you like that?"

"I kept trying to tell you, but you never would listen. You didn't force me, Jondalar. Couldn't you tell how quickly I responded? How could you think you forced me? That was my happiest day all winter. I dreamed about it afterward for days. Every time I closed my eyes I could feel you and want you again, but you wouldn't come back."

He kissed her then, suddenly hungry for her. Then he couldn't wait. He was on top of her, pushing her legs apart, finding her warm, moist well and thrusting deep, feeling her warmth caressing his manhood. She was ready for him. She felt him penetrate and strained to meet him, and moaned as she felt his fullness inside her own engorged depths. He pulled back and entered again and again. As the pace quickened, she arched to force the pressure where she wanted it. There. That was right. She was so ready. So was he. Jondalar felt that he would burst with his fullness, and then, every nerve straining, aware of nothing else, the wondrous waves of Pleasure engulfed them both, bursting forth in glorious release. He thrust again a few more times, then collapsed on top of her.

"I love you, Ayla. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. I will always love you, only you," he said, holding her tight, his voice sounding strained with the intensity of his feeling.

"Oh, Jondalar. I love you, too. I always have." There were tears in the corners of her eyes, partly from the fullness of her love for him, partly from the tension so quickly mounted and so suddenly released.

They lay quietly for a while in the light of the flickering lamp, then he raised up and slowly extracted his spent organ and rolled over to his side. He put his hand on her stomach again.

"I thought I might be too heavy for you. I don't think I should put too much weight on you now," he said.

"You are not heavy yet," she said. "Later we can worry about finding ways to make it easier, when the baby starts to grow more."

"Is it true that you can feel the life moving inside you?"

"Not yet, but before long I will. You will be able to feel it, too. You just have to put your hand on my stomach like that."

"I think I'm glad you've already had one child. You know what to expect."

"But it's not exactly the same. I was really sick when I was carrying Durc, almost all the time."

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, his worry frown evident.

"I feel wonderful. Even in the beginning I hardly had any sickness at all, and now that is gone."

They were quiet then for a long time. Jondalar wondered if she had fallen asleep. He was just feeling like beginning again, taking more time, but if she was sleeping…

"I wonder how he is?" she suddenly said. "My son."

"Do you miss him?"

"Sometimes I miss him so much, I don't know what to do. At the meeting of the zelandonia, Zelandoni sang the Mother's Song. I love that story. Whenever I hear it, I feel like crying when they come to the part about the Great Mother not being able to have Her son at Her side, how they are forever apart. I think I know how She felt. Even if I never see him again, I just wish I knew how he was, if he's all right. How Broud and the others have treated him," Ayla said. She was quiet again.

Her words set Jondalar thinking. "In the song it says the Great Mother struggled in pain to give birth. Is it very painful?"

"He was hard to deliver. I don't like to think about it. But, like the Mother's Song says, he was worth it."

"Are you afraid, Ayla? Afraid to give birth again?" he asked.

"A little. But I feel so good this time, maybe this delivery won't be so bad, either."

"I don't know how women do it."

"We do it because it's worth it, Jondalar. I wanted Durc so much, and then they told me he was deformed, that I couldn't keep him." She started to cry. Jondalar held her. "It was so awful. I just couldn't do it. At least with the Zelandonii, the mother has the choice. No one will ever try to force me."