THE SHELTERS OF STONE

Jondalar walked over to her and lifted her chin to look directly at her. Her eyes did look troubled. "Ayla, everyone knows the only reason Jonokol is Zelandoni's acolyte is because he's such a good artist, he captures the spirit of animals with great skill, and Zelandoni needs him for the ceremonies. He will never be a donier."

"He might. Zelandoni says he wants to move to the Nineteenth Cave," Ayla said.

"It's that new cave you found, isn't it?" Jondalar said. "Well, he'd be the right person for it. But if you become an acolyte, you would become a Zelandoni, wouldn't you?"

Ayla still could not refuse to answer a direct question or tell a lie. "Yes, Jondalar," she said. "I think someday I would be Zelandoni, if I join the zelandonia, but not right away."

"Is it what you want to do? Or has Zelandoni talked you into it because you are a healer?" Jondalar wanted to know.

"She says I already am Zelandoni, in a way. Maybe she's right, I don't know. She says I should be trained for my own protection. It could be very dangerous for me if I feel a call and I'm not prepared for it," Ayla said. She had never told him about the strange things that happened to her, and it felt like a lie, not telling him. Even in the Clan one could refrain from mentioning. It bothered her, but she still didn't tell him.

It was Jondalar's turn to look troubled. "There isn't much I can say about it, one way or another. It's your choice. It probably is best to be prepared. You don't know how you scared me when you and Mamut made that strange Journey. I thought you were dead, and I begged the Great Mother to bring you back. I don't think I ever begged for anything so hard in my life, Ayla. I hope you never do anything like that again."

"I thought it was you, not at first, but later. Mamut said someone called us back, called with such force, it could not be denied. I thought I saw you there when I came back to myself, but then I didn't see you," Ayla said.

"You were promised to Ranee. I didn't want to be in the way," Jondalar said, vividly recalling that terrible night.

"But you loved me. If you hadn't loved me so much, my spirit might still be lost in that empty void. Mamut said he would never go there again like that, and he told me that if I ever take that Journey again, I should make sure I have strong protection, or I might not return." Suddenly she reached for him. "Why me, Jondalar?" she cried. "Why do I have to be a Zelandoni?"

Jondalar held her. Yes, he thought, Why her? He recalled the donier talking about the responsibilities and the dangers. Now he understood why she had been so open. She had been trying to prepare them. She must have known all along, from the first day they arrived, just like Mamut seemed to know. That's why he adopted her to his hearth. Can I be the mate of a Zelandoni? He thought about his mother and Dalanar. She said he had not been able to stay with her because she was the leader. The demands on a Zelandoni are even greater.

Everyone said he was just like Dalanar, there was no doubt he was the son of Dalanar's spirit. But Ayla says it was not just spirits. She says Jonayla is my daughter. If she is right, then I must be Dalanar's son! The thought stunned him. Could he be as much Dalanar's son as he was Marthona's? If he was, would he be so much like him that he would not be able to live with a woman whose duties were so important? It was a very disturbing idea.

He felt Ayla shaking in his arms and looked at her. "What's wrong, Ayla?"

"I'm afraid, Jondalar. That's why I don't want to do it. I'm afraid to be Zelandoni," she sobbed. She quieted down and pulled away. "The reason I'm so afraid, Jondalar, is that things have happened to me that I never told you."

"What kind of things?" he asked, his forehead wrinkled in a frown.

"I never told you because I didn't know how to explain. I'm still not sure that I can, but I'll try. When I lived with Brun's clan, you know I went with them to a Clan Gathering. Iza was too sick to go-she died soon after we returned," Ayla's eyes started to fill at the memory. "Iza was the medicine woman, it was she that was supposed to prepare the special drink for the mog-urs. No one else knew how. Uba was too young, not a woman yet, and it had to be prepared by a woman. Iza explained it to me before we left. I didn't think the mog-urs would allow me to make it-they said I wasn't Clan-but then Creb came and told me to prepare myself. It was the same drink I made for Mamut and me when we took our strange Journey.