The Sworn Sword

"No". Dunk almost wished it had been otherwise. He might not be the greatest fighter in the realm, but size and strength could make up for many lacks. Not for a lack of wits, though. He was no good with words, and worse with women. This giant Lucas Longinch did not daunt him half so much as the prospect of facing the Red Widow. "I'm going to talk to the Red Widow, that's all".

"What will you tell her, ser?"

"That she has to take the dam down". You must take down your dam, m'lady, or else… "Ask her to take down the dam, I mean". Please give back our chequy water . "If it pleases her". A little water, m'lady, if it please you. Ser Eustace would not want him to beg. How do I say it, then?

The water soon begun to steam and bubble. "Help me lug this to the tub", Dunk told the boy. Together they lifted the kettle from the hearth and crossed the cellar to the big wooden tub. "I don't know how to talk with highborn ladies", he confessed as they were pouring. "We both might have been killed in Dorne, on account of what I said to Lady Vaith".

"Lady Vaith was mad", Egg reminded him, "but you could have been more gallant. Ladies like it when you're gallant. If you were to rescue the Red Widow the way you rescued that puppet girl from Aerion.. ".

"Aerion's in Lys, and the Widow's not in want of rescuing". He did not want to talk of Tanselle. Tanselle Too-Tall was her name, but she was not too tall for me.

"Well", the boy said, "some knights sing gallant songs to their ladies, or play them tunes upon a lute".

"I have no lute". Dunk looked morose. "And that night I drank too much in the Planky Town, you told me I sang like an ox in a mud wallow".

"I had forgotten, ser".

"How could you forget?"

"You told me to forget, ser", said Egg, all innocence. "You told me I'd get a clout in the ear the next time I mentioned it".

"There will be no singing". Even if he had the voice for it, the only song Dunk knew all the way through was "The Bear and the Maiden Fair". He doubted that would do much to win over Lady Webber. The kettle was steaming once again. They wrestled it over to the tub and upended it.

Egg drew water to fill it for the third time, then clambered back onto the well. "You'd best not take any food or drink at Coldmoat, ser. The Red Widow poisoned all her husbands".

"I'm not like to marry her. She's a highborn lady, and I'm Dunk of Flea Bottom, remember?" He frowned. "Just how many husbands has she had, do you know?"

"Four", said Egg, "but no children. Whenever she gives birth, a demon comes by night to carry off the issue. Sam Stoops' wife says she sold her babes unborn to the Lord of the Seven Hells, so he'd teach her his black arts".

"Highborn ladies don't meddle with the black arts. They dance and sing and do embroidery".

"Maybe she dances with demons and embroiders evil spells", Egg said with relish. "And how would you know what highborn ladies do, ser? Lady Vaith is the only one you ever knew".

That was insolent, but true. "Might be I don't know any highborn ladies, but I know a boy who's asking for a good clout in the ear". Dunk rubbed the back of his neck. A day in chainmail always left it hard as wood. "You've known queens and princesses. Did they dance with demons and practice the black arts?"

"Lady Shiera does. Lord Bloodraven's paramour. She bathes in blood to keep her beauty. And once my sister Rhae put a love potion in my drink, so I'd marry her instead of my sister Daella".

Egg spoke as if such incest was the most natural thing in the world. For him it is. The Targaryens had been marrying brother to sister for hundreds of years, to keep the blood of the dragon pure. Though the last actual dragon had died before Dunk was born, the dragonkings went on. Maybe the gods don't mind them marrying their sisters. "Did the potion work?" Dunk asked.

"It would have", said Egg, "but I spit it out. I don't want a wife, I want to be a knight of the Kingsguard, and live only to serve and defend the king. The Kingsguard are sworn not to wed".

"That's a noble thing, but when you're older you may find you'd sooner have a girl than a white cloak". Dunk was thinking of Tanselle Too-Tall, and the way she'd smiled at him at Ashford. "Ser Eustace said I was the sort of man he'd hoped to have his daughter wed. Her name was Alysanne".

"She's dead, ser".

"I know she's dead", said Dunk, annoyed. "If she was alive, he said. If she was, he'd like her to marry me. Or someone like me. I never had a lord offer me his daughter before".

"His dead daughter. And the Osgreys might have been lords in the old days, but Ser Eustace is only a landed knight".

"I know what he is. Do you want a clout in the ear?"