The Technicolor Time Machine

“Yes, isn’t he sweet? We don’t even have a name for him yet, but I call him Snorey, just like the dwarf in Snow White, because when he’s asleep he snores all the time.”

“There was no dwarf named Snorey,” Barney said, and thought fast. “Look, Slithey, we can’t go back and undo this now, not with the baby and everything, and it was your fault you left the trailer.”

“Oh, I’m not blaming anyone,” she said. “Once I got used to it it wasn’t so bad, and Ottar kept telling me you would be here in the spring, and he was right. Only thing, I could use a real square meal, the way these people eat, gosh! I think I spent most of the winter on nothing but Whiskey and Wheaties.”

“We’ll have a big party tonight, for you and Ottar—and the baby. Steak and wine, the works.”

Snorey began to howl and Slithey swung him around and began to open the top of her dress.

“I’ll get Charley Chang working,” Barney said. “We’ll write the kid into the script. This picture is going to be full of surprises.”

This brought back a painful memory and he looked down at his right hand and wondered how and when, then jammed it deep into the safety of his pocket.

17

The stone-headed spear had gone right through the side of the motorboat and was stuck into the flooring.

“I left it there to plug the hole,” Tex said. “A few more came close but we was already leaving.”

“They must have been surprised or something,” Barney said. “Maybe the sound of the motor frightened them.”

“We were paddling.”

“There had to have been a reason. The Cape Dorset are a peaceful people, you saw the way they behaved when they came here.”

“Maybe they didn’t like the idea of their relatives being chopped down when they acted friendly the first time,” Dallas broke in. “We didn’t go looking for trouble now, they gave it free without asking. If the motor hadn’t started first pull we would have had a burial at sea or gone into their cooking pot or something. Tex and I talked it over on the way back, and we figured that we should get combat pay for this mission…”

“Make a note of it on your voucher, I’ll see what can be done—but just don’t bug me about it now.” Barney pulled on the spear but it wouldn’t come free. “I’ve got a few more important tilings to worry about. This picture is just about finished, except for the absolutely vital and very important Indian battle. We have to have it, and it is going to be a little difficult to have an Indian battle without Indians. There are a couple of thousand of them offshore there on the ice, and I send you out with the wampum and the beads to hire a couple and what do I get? Excuses.”

The stunt men were unimpressed by this argument and Dallas pointed coldly to the spear. A brassy wail split the air.

“Do they have to do that here?” Barney snapped.

“As I remember, it was your order,” Tex told him. “The only place they wouldn’t bother people with their playing was on the beach.”

The black-robed procession filed down onto the shore, with the drummer beating time and Spiderman leading the way. They carried folding chairs, as well as their instruments, and were wrapped in an exotic collection of scarves, deerskins and caribou robes.

“Pull the boat up on the beach and let’s get out of here,” Barney said.

“I second that,” Dallas grunted. “These rehearsal sessions are but murder.”

Spiderman tottered across the sand toward them, clutching his tube to his chest, his red nose standing out starkly against the pallor of his skin.

“We gotta get a rehearsal hall, Barney,” he pleaded. “All this fresh air will kill us for cert. Some of these cats haven’t been outdoors in years.”

“It’ll clean their lungs out.”

“They like ’em dirty.”

“I’ll see what I can arrange—”

“Enemy in sight!” Tex shouted. “Look at that task force.”

It was an astonishing sight. From behind the islands that stood in the mouth of the bay came boatload after boatload of Cape Dorset, more and more until the water was dark with them. As they came closer a flickering could be seen in the air above each boat and a deep humming filled the air.

“This ain’t no social call,” Tex said.

“They might be friendly,” Barney said with very little enthusiasm.

“How much you wanta bet?” Dallas said scornfully.

“All right—so we take, what do you call it, a defensive position. What do you suggest?”

Tex pointed his thumb at Dallas and said, “He has the seniority, so he issues the orders.”

“Right then,” Dallas snapped. “We get the civilians off the beach, we pass the word to Ottar to lock up his fort, we pull back to the camp. We form the vehicles into a circle with the house trailers inside, and pass out weapons to all the guys who have seen service. Then we sit tight. Tex, start the civilians back to the camp.”