the Third Twin (1996)

Jeannie wanted to bite off her tongue. It was the dumbest thing she could have said: “When did you get out of jail, Daddy?” Only minutes ago Berrington had described the people in the city jail as the scum of the earth.

She felt mortified. It was bad enough her boss finding out that her father was a professional burglar. Having Berrington meet him was even worse. His face had been bruised by a fall and he had several days’ growth of beard. His clothes were dirty and he had a faint but disgusting smell. She felt so ashamed she could not look at Berrington.

There had been a time, many years ago, when she was not ashamed of him. Quite the reverse: he made other girls’ fathers seem boring and tiresome. He had been handsome and fun loving, and he would come home in a new suit, his pockets full of money. There would be movies and new dresses and icecream sundaes, and Mom would buy a pretty nightgown and go on a diet. But he always went away again, and around about the age of nine she found out why. Tammy Fontaine told her. She would never forget the conversation.

“Your jumper’s horrible,” Tammy had said.

“Your nose is horrible,” Jeannie had replied wittily, and the other girls broke up.

“Your mom buys you clothes that are really, like, gruesome.”

“Your mom’s fat.”

“Your daddy’s in jail.”

“He is not.”

“He is so.”

“He is not!”

“I heard my daddy tell my mommy. He was reading the newspaper. I see old Pete Ferrami’s back in jail again,’ he said.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” Jeannie had chanted, but in her heart she had believed Tammy. It explained everything: the sudden wealth, the equally sudden disappearances, the long absences.

Jeannie never had another of those taunting schoolgirl conversations. Anyone could shut her up by mentioning her father. At the age of nine, it was like being crippled for life. Whenever something was lost at school, she felt they all looked accusingly at her. She never shook the guilty feeling. If another woman looked in her purse and said, “Darn, I thought I had a ten-dollar bill,” Jeannie would flush crimson. She became obsessively honest: she would walk a mile to return a cheap ballpoint, terrified that if she kept it the owner would say she was a thief like her father.

Now here he was, standing there in front of her boss, dirty and unshaven and probably broke. “This is Professor Berrington Jones,” she said. “Berry, meet my father, Pete Ferrami.”

Berrington was gracious. He shook Daddy’s hand. “Good to meet you, Mr. Ferrami,” he said. “Your daughter is a very special woman.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Daddy said with a pleased grin.

“Well, Berry, now you know the family secret,” she said resignedly. “Daddy was sent to jail, for the third time, on the day I graduated summa cum laude from Princetoa He’s been incarcerated for the last eight years.”

“It could have been fifteen,” Daddy said. “We had guns on that job.”

“Thank you for sharing that with us, Dad. It’s sure to impress my boss.”

Daddy looked hurt and baffled, and she felt a stab of pity for him, despite her resentment. His weakness hurt him as much as it hurt his family. He was one of nature’s failures. The fabulous system that reproduced the human race—the profoundly complex DNA mechanism Jeannie studied—was programmed to make every individual a little bit different. It was like a photocopier with a built-in error. Sometimes the result was good: an Einstein, a Louis Armstrong, an Andrew Carnegie. And sometimes it was a Pete Ferrami.

Jeannie had to get rid of Berrington fast. “If you want to make that call, Berry, you can use the phone in the bedroom.”

“Uh, it’ll keep,” he said.

Thank God for that. “Well, thank you for a very special evening.” She held out her hand to shake.

“It was a pleasure. Good night.” He shook hands awkwardly and went out.

Jeannie turned to her father. “What happened?”

“I got time off for good behavior. I’m free. And naturally, the first thing I wanted was to see my little girl.”

“Right after you went on a three-day drunk.” He was so transparently insincere, it was offensive. She felt the familiar rage rise inside her. Why couldn’t she have a father like other people’s?

He said: “Come on, be nice.”

Anger turned into sadness. She had never had a real father and she never would. “Give me that bottle,” she said. “I’ll make coffee.”

Reluctantly he handed her the vodka and she put it back in the freezer. She put water in the coffee maker and turned it on.

“You look older,” he said to her. “I see a little gray in your hair.”

“Gee, thanks.” She put out mugs, cream, and sugar.

“Your mother went gray early.”

“I always thought you were the cause of that.”

“I went to her place,” he said in a tone of mild indignation. “She doesn’t live there anymore.”

“She’s in Bella Vista now.”

“That’s what the neighbor told me. Mrs. Mendoza. She gave me your address. I don’t like to think of your mother in a place like that.”