The Truth

'Is that it?' said William.

'Oh, there's a lot of political stuff,' said Mr Mackleduff. 'It's all a bit far-fetched.'

'Any good vegetables today?' said Mr Cartwright.

Mr Mackleduff carefully inspected the other pages.

'No,' he said.

'My firm are thinking of approaching that man to see if he'd let us sell his seeds for him,' Mr Cartwright went on. 'It's just the sort of thing people like,' He caught Mrs Arcanum's eye. 'Only those vegetables suitable for a family environment, of course,' he added quickly.

'Aye, it does you good to laugh,' said Mr Mackleduff solemnly.

It crossed William's mind to wonder if Mr Wintler could grow an obscene pea. But of course he could.

'I would have thought it's quite important,' he said, 'if Lord Vetinari isn't guilty,'

'Oh, yes, I daresay, to them as has to deal with these things,' said Mr Mackleduff. 'I don't quite see where we come into it, though.'

'But surely--' William began.

Mrs Arcanum patted her hair. 'I've always thought Lord Vetinari was a most handsome man,' she said, and then looked flustered when they all stared at her. 'I meant, I'm just a little surprised there isn't a Lady Vetinari. As it were. Ahem.'

302

'Oh well, you know what they say,' said Mr Windling.

A pair of arms shot out across the table, grabbed the surprised man by the lapels and pulled him up so that his face was a few inches from William's.

7 don't know what they say, Mr Windling!' he shouted. 'But you know what they say, Mr Windling! Why don't you tell us what they say, Mr Windling! Why don't you tell us who told you, Mr Windling?'

'Mr de Worde! Really!' said Mrs Arcanum. Mr Prone pulled the toast out of the way.

I'm very sorry about this, Mrs Arcanum,' said William, still holding the struggling man, 'but I want to know what everyone knows and I want to know how they know it. Mr Windling?'

They say he's got some sort of a lady friend who's very important in Uberwald,' said Mr Windling. 'And I'll thank you to let go of me!'

'And that's it? What's so sinister about that? It's a friendly country!'

'Yes, but, yes, but they say--'

William let go. Windling rocked back into his chair, but William stayed standing, breathing heavily.

'Well, I wrote the article in the TimesV he snapped. 'And what's in there is what ,' say! Me! Because I found things out, and checked things, and people who say "ing" a lot tried to kill me! I'm not the man that's the brother of some man you met in the pub! I'm not some stupid rumour put about to make trouble! So just remember that, before you try any of that "everyone knows" stuff! And in an hour or so I've got to go up to the palace and see Commander Vimes and whoever is the Patrician and a lot of other people, to get this whole thing sorted out! And it's not going to be very nice, but I'm going to have to do it, because I wanted you to know things that are important. Sorry about the teapot, Mrs Arcanum, I'm sure it can be mended.'

In the ensuing silence Mr Prone picked up the paper and said: 'You write this?'

'Yes!'

'I... er... I thought they had special people...'

303

All heads turned back to William.

There isn't a they. There's just me and a young lady. We write it all!' 'But... who tells you what to put in?' The heads turned back to William. 'We just... decide.'

'Er... is it true about big silver discs kidnapping people?' 'No!'

To William's surprise Mr Cartwright actually raised his hand. 'Yes, Mr Cartwright?'

I've got quite an important question, Mr de Worde, what with you knowing all this stuff 'Yes?' 'Have you got the address of the funny vegetable man?'

William and Otto arrived at the palace at five minutes to ten. There was a small crowd around the gates.

Commander Vimes was standing in the courtyard, talking to Slant and some of the Guild leaders. He smiled in a humourless way when he saw William.

'You're rather late, Mr de Worde,' he said.

'I'm early!'

'I meant that things have been happening.'

Mr Slant cleared his throat. 'Mr Scrope has sent a note,' he said. 'It appears that he is ill.'

William pulled out his notebook.

The civic leaders focused on it. He hesitated. And then uncertainty evaporated. I'm a de Worde, he thought, don't you dare look down your noses at me! You 've got to move with the Times. Oh well... here goes...

'Was it signed by his mother?' he said.

'I don't follow your meaning,' said the lawyer, but several of the Guild leaders turned their heads away.

'What's happening now, then?' said William. 'We don't have a ruler?'

'Happily,' said Mr Slant, who looked like a man in a private hell, 'Lord Vetinari is feeling very much better and expects to resume his duties tomorrow.'

'Excuse me, is he allowed to write that down?' said Lord Downey, head of the Assassins' Guild, as William made a note.

'Allowed by who?' said Vimes.

'Whom,' said William, under his breath.

'Well, he can't just write down anything, can he?' said Lord Downey. 'Supposing he writes down something we don't want him to write down?'

Vimes looked William firmly in the eye.

There's no law against it,' he said.