Thief of Time

The chief acolyte looked around, but there was no help anywhere. The other senior members of the monastery had no wish to share in the huge pink cloud of embarrassment. The abbot merely blew bubbles, and grinned the inward knowing grin of all babies everywhere.

“Do we have any… uh… do we present sweepers with… do we by any chance…?” the acolyte mumbled.

Lu-Tze stepped up behind him. “Can I be of any help, your acolytility?” he said, with a sort of mad keen subservience that was quite alien to his normal attitude.

“Lu-Tze? Ah…er…yes…er…”

“I could fetch a nearly new robe, sir, and the lad can have my old broom if you'll sign a chitty for me to get a new one from stores, sir,” said Lu-Tze, sweating helpfulness at every pore.

The chief acolyte, drowning well out of his depth, seized on this like a passing lifebelt.

“Oh, would you be so good, Lu-Tze? It is so kind of you…”

Lu-Tze vanished in a blur of helpful speed that, once again, quite surprised those who thought they knew him.

He reappeared with his broom and a robe made white and thin with frequent bashings on the stones by the river. He solemnly handed them over to the chief acolyte.

“Er, uh, thank you, er, is there a special ceremony for the, for the, er, for… er…” the man burbled.

“Very simple one, sir,” said Lu-Tze, still radiating eagerness. “Wording is quite loose, sir, but generally we say, ‘This is your robe, look after it, it belongs to the monastery,’ sir, and then with the broom we say something like ‘Here's your broom, treat it well, it is your friend, you will be fined if you lose it, remember they do not grow on trees,’ sir.”

“Er, um, uh,” the chief acolyte murmured. “And does the abbot—?”

“Oh no, the abbot would not make a presentation to a sweeper,” said Lobsang quickly.

“Lu-Tze, who does the, er, does, uh, does the…”

“It's generally done by a senior sweeper, your acolytility.”

“Oh? And, er, by some happy chance, er, do you happen to be—?”

Lu-Tze bobbed a bow. “Oh, yes, sir.”

To the chief acolyte, still floundering in the flood of the turning tide, this was as welcome as the imminent prospect of dry land. He beamed manically.

“I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, then, if you would be so kind, er, then, er, to—”

“Happy to, sir.” Lu-Tze swung round. “Right now, sir?”

“Oh, please, yes!”

“Right you are. Step forward, Lobsang Ludd!”

“Yes, Sweeper!”

Lu-Tze held out the worn robe and the elderly broom. “Broom! Robe! Do not lose them, we are not made of money!” he announced.

“I thank you for them,” said Lobsang. “I am honoured.”

Lobsang bowed. Lu-Tze bowed. With their heads close together and at the same height, Lu-Tze hissed, “Very surprising.”

“Thank you.”

“Nicely mythic, the whole thing, definitely one for the scrolls, but bordering on smug. Do not try it again.”

“Right.”

They both stood up. “And, er, what happens now?” said the chief acolyte. He was a broken man, and he knew it. Nothing was going to be the same after this.

“Nothing, really,” said Lu-Tze. “Sweepers get on with sweeping. You take that side, lad, and I'll take this.”

“But he is Time!” said the chief acolyte. “The son of Wen! There is so much we have to ask!”

“There is so much I will not tell,” said Lobsang, smiling. The abbot leaned forward and dribbled into the chief acolyte's ear.

He gave up. “Of course, it is not up to us to question you,” he said, backing away.

“No,” said Lobsang. “It is not. I suggest you all get on with your very important work, because this plaza is going to need all my attention.”

There were frantic hand signals amongst the senior monks and, gradually, reluctantly, the monastery staff moved away.

“They'll be watching us from every place they can hide,” mumbled Lu-Tze, when the sweepers were alone.

“Oh, yes,” said Lobsang.

“So, how are you, then?”

“Very well. And my mother is happy, and she will retire with my father.”

“What? A cottage in the country, that sort of thing?”

“Not quite. Similar, though.”

There was no sound for a while but the brushing of two brooms. Then Lobsang said, “I'm aware, Lu-Tze, that it is usual for an apprentice to give a small gift or token to his master when he finishes his apprenticeship.”

“Possibly,” said Lu-Tze, straightening up. “But I don't need anything. I've got my mat, my bowl and my Way.”

“Every man has something he desires,” said Lobsang.

“Hah! Got you there, then, wonder boy. I'm eight hundred years old. I've run through all my desires long ago.”

“Oh dear. That is a shame. I hoped I could find something.” Now Lobsang straightened up and swung his broom onto his shoulder.

“In any case, I must leave,” he said. “There is so much still to do.”

“I'm sure there is,” said Lu-Tze. “I'm sure there is. There's the whole stretch under the trees, for one thing. And while we're on the subject, wonder boy, did you let that witch have her broomstick back?”

Lobsang nodded. “Let us just say… I put things back. It's a lot newer than it was, too.”

“Hah!” said Lu-Tze, sweeping up a few more petals. “Just like that. Just like that. So easily does a thief of time repay his debts!”