Three Hands In The Fountain

`Or a dull finish to the nap of his best toga? Jupiter, Apius – it's the Ludi Romani and the laundry's closed!' You're useless. I'll pay you tomorrow for the haircut. It offends me to part with money during a festival. I'm off to see what's going on.'

Everyone believes a barber is the source of all gossip. Not ours. And Apius was typical. The myth about barbers being up to date with scandal has as much truth as that tale foreigners are always being spun about Romans socialising in the public latrines. Excuse me! When you're straining your heart out after last night's rather runny rabbit-in-its-own-gravy, the last thing you want is some friendly fellow with an inane grin popping up to ask your opinion of this week's Senate decree about freemen co-habiting with slaves. If anyone tried it with me, I'd ram him somewhere tender with a well-used gutter sponge.

These elevated thoughts entertained me as I walked along Fountain Court. At the laundry the lictors told me they were escorting an ex-consul, one, who had served earlier in the year but, had stood down to give some other big bean a chance. He was over the road visiting someone called Falco, apparently.

That put me in a happy mood. If there's one thing, I hate more than high officials burdened with office, it's officials who have just shed the burden and who are looking for trouble they can cause. I bounced indoors, all set to try to insult him, bearing in mind that if he was still in his named year as consul I was about to be rude to the most revered and, highest ranking ex-magistrate in Rome.

TWENTY TWO

There are women who would panic when presented with a consul. One benefit of importing a senator's daughter to' be my unpaid, secretary was that instead of shrieking with horror, Helena Justina was more likely to greet the prestigious one as an honorary uncle and calmly ask after his haemorrhoids.

The fellow had been supplied with a bowl of refreshing hot cinnamon, which I happened; to know Helena could brew up with honey and a hint of wine until it tasted like ambrosia. He already looked impressed by her suave hospitality and crisp common sense. So when I marched in, hooking my thumbs in my festival belt like an irritated Cyclops, I was presented with an ex-consul who was already tame.'

`Afternoon. My name's Falco.'

`My husband,' smiled Helena, being especially respectable.

`Her devoted slave,' I returned, honouring her courteously with this blithe romantic note. Well, it was a public holiday.

'Julius Frontinus,' said the eminent man, in a plain tone.

I nodded. He shadowed the gesture.

I took a seat at the table and was handed my personal bowl by the elegant hostess. Helena was striking' in white, the proper colour for the Circus; although she wore no jewellery because of the marauding pickpockets, she was bound up in braided ribbons which made her frivolously neat. To emphasise how things were in this house, I pulled up another bowl and poured her a drink too. Then we both raised our cups solemnly to the Consul, while I took a good look at him.

If he was the usual age for a consul he was forty three; forty four if he had had this year's birthday by now. Cleanshaven and close-shorn. A Vespasian appointment, so bound to be competent, confident and shrewd. Undeterred by my scrutiny and unfazed by his poor surroundings. He was a man with a solid career behind him, yet the energy to carry him through several more top-notch roles before he went senile. physically spare, a trim weight, undebauched. Someone to respect or walking trouble: primed to stir things up.

He was assessing me too. Fresh from the gym and in festive clothes, but with militaristic boots. I lived in a squalid area, with a girl who had high social standards: a sophisticated mix. He knew he was facing plebeian aggression, yet, he had been soothed with expensive cinnamon from, the luxurious east.; He was being bombarded by the peppery scent from late summer lilies in a Campanian bronze vase. And his drink came in a high-gloss redware bowl, decorated with, exquisite running antelopes. We had taste. We had interesting 'trade connections – or were travellers ourselves or could win friends who gave us handsome gifts.

`I'm looking for someone to work with me, Falco; Camillus Verus recommended you.'

Any commission sent 'via Helena's papa had to be welcomed politely. `What's the job and what's your role in it? What would my role be"

`First I need to know your background.

`Surely Camillus briefed you?'

`I'd like to hear it from you.'

I shrugged. I never complain if a client is particular. 'I'm a private informer: court work, acting for executors, financial assessments, tracing stolen art. At present I have a partner who is ex-vigiles. From time to time the Palace employs me in an official capacity for work I can't discuss, usually abroad., I have been doing this for the past eight years. I served in the Second Augustan legion in Britain before that.'

`Britain!' Frontinus jerked. `What did you think of Britain?'