Three Hands In The Fountain

`At a guess, somebody has upset Balbina Milvia, and she's gone crying home to Mother. Mother came dashing to scold the delinquent lover. Poor Mother must be very alarmed indeed to discover that a member of the vigiles has easy access to her household. She must be wetting herself at the thought of him winding his way into Milvia's confidence.'

`Do you think she spanked Milvia?'

'It would be the first time. Milvia was brought up a spoiled princess.

`Yes, I gathered that,' replied Helena, rather laconically.

`Oh?' I asked, feigning' mild curiosity. `Can it be that the princess has just had a hard time from more than her scraggy bag of a parent?'

`It is a possibility,' Helena conceded.

`I wonder who that might be?'

`Someone she met when she was out riding in her nice litter maybe?' Helena returned my formal kiss on the cheek, greeting me like a demure matron after my afternoon away. She smelt of rosemary hairwash and attar of roses. Everything about her was soft and clean and begging to be intimately fondled. I could feel myself going twittery: `Maybe that will teach Milvia to stay at home plying her loom,' she said.

`As you do?' I walked her indoors, getting both arms round her. Nux scampered after us, alert to canoodling she could bark at.

`As I do, Marcus Didius.'

Helena Justina did not possess, a loom. Our apartment was so tiny we did not have much room for it. If she had asked she could have had one. Obviously I would encourage traditional virtuous pursuits. But Helena Justina hated long, repetitive tasks.

She stayed indoors and worked in wool? Like most Romans I was forced to admit, no; not my devoted turtledove.

At least I knew how mine behaved, even when I was away from home. Well, so I told myself.

THIRTY

Petronius came over to fetch me the next morning. He looked like a man who had failed to supply himself with breakfast. Since I was the cook in our household, I was able to let him have some of our bread rolls, while Helena ate hers in silence. She had fetched them, running down barefoot that morning to buy them fresh from Cassius, then I had arranged them in a neat pattern in the bowl.

`You're in charge, I see, Falco.'

`Yes, I'm a stern Roman paternalist. I speak; my women veil their heads and scurry to obey.'

Petronius snorted, while Helena wiped honey from her lips fastidiously.

`What was all that fuss yesterday?' she asked him outright, to show how subservient she was.

`The old battering ram's terrified that I'll infiltrate too far and put the screw on the gangs again by acquiring inside knowledge. She thinks Milvia is daft enough to tell me anything I ask.'

`Whereas the rest of us know you don't go there to talk… Interesting situation,' I mulled, teasing him. Then I told Helena, `Apparently Milvia is now chasing Lucius Petronius, while her formally ardent lover has actually been witnessed trying to dodge out of the way.'

`Oh? Why can that be?' Helena queried, subjecting him to a bright look.

`Frightened of her ma,' I grinned.

Petro scowled. `Milvia has suddenly acquired some very peculiar notions.'

I raised an eyebrow. `You mean she finally noticed you're no good?'

`No. She wants to leave Florius. He had the grace to blush slightly. `Oh dear!'

`And live with you?' asked Helena.

`And marry me!'

Helena took it more stalwartly than I did. `Not a good idea?'

`Helena Justina, I am married to Arria Silvia.' Helena restrained herself from commenting on his bold claim. `I concede,' Petro went on, `Silvia may dispute that. It just shows how little Silvia knows about anything.'

Helena passed him the honey. I was expecting her to throw it at him. We kept our honey in a Celtic face-pot we had acquired when travelling through Gaul. Petro eyed it askance. Then he held it up rudely comparing the round eyed cartoon features with my own.

`So you were never serious about Milvia?' Helena grilled him.

`Not in that way. I'm sorry.'

`When men need to apologise, why can they only say it to the wrong person? And now she wants to be more important to you?,

'She thinks she is. She'll figure it out.'

`Poor Milvia,' murmured Helena.

Petronius made an attempt to look responsible. `She's tougher than she looks. She's tougher even than she thinks she is.'

Helena was wearing an expression that said she thought Milvia might turn out to be tougher – and much more trouble – than Petro himself yet realised. `I'll be going to see your wife today, Lucius Petronius. Maia's coming with me I haven't seen the girls for ages, and I have some things for them that we brought from Spain. Are there any messages?''

`Tell Silvia I promised to take Petronilla to the Games. She's old enough now. If Silvia leaves her at her mother's tomorrow, I'll pick her up and return her there.'

`Her mother's? You're trying to avoid seeing Silvia"

'I'm trying to avoid being; battered and browbeaten Anyway, if I go to the house, it upsets the cat.'

`This won't get you all back together again.'