Three Hands In The Fountain

Do not be fooled. The vigiles' life was harsh and dangerous. Most of them had been public slaves. They had signed up because eventually, if they survived, they earned honourable discharge as citizens. Their official term of duty was just six years. Soldiers in the legions serve at least twenty. There was a good reason for the short enlistment, and not many vigiles lasted the full term.

Tiberius Fusculus, the best of Petro's hand-picked, officers and now standing in for his chief, gazed at us warily. He was a round, cheerful fellow, thin on top, extremely healthy, and sharp as a tenting needle. He was keenly interested d in the theory of crime, but we could tell by the way he poked the swollen hand away from him he did not intend to pursue this if he could file it in the `No Action' pigeonhole.

`So what do you want me to do with it?'

`Find the rest?' I suggested. Fusculus scoffed.

Petronius surveyed the object. `It has obviously been in the water a long time.' His tone was apologetic. `We've been told it was found blocking a pipe in a castellum on the Aqua Appia, but it could have got there from somewhere else.'

`Most people are cremated,' Fusculus said. `You might get: some dog digging up a human hand at the crossroads in a village in the provinces, but bodies don't get buried raw in Rome.'

`It smacks of dirty business,' Petro agreed. `If someone, possibly a woman, has been done in, why hasn't there been an outcry?'

'Probably because women are always being done in,' Fusculus explained helpfully. 'It's their husbands or lovers who do it,, and when they wake up sober the men either collapse in remorse, and come straight here. to confess, or else they find the peace and quiet so welcome that raising an outcry is the last thing they consider.'

`All women have nosy friends,' Petro pointed out `A lot have interfering mothers; some are caring for aged aunts who if left on their own would wander out into the highway and frighten the donkeys. And what about the neighbours?'

`The neighbours report it,' said Fusculus. 'So we go to the house and ask the husband; he tells us that the neighbours are poisonous bastards making malicious accusations, then he claims his wife' has gone to visit relatives at Antium. We say, when she comes home will he ask her to drop in and confirm it; we file the details; she never comes, but we never have time to pursue it because by then twenty other things are happening. Anyway, the husband will have runoff' He did' not add `and good luck to him', but his tone was eloquent.

'Don't, give me the brush-off; I'm not some member of the public.' Petronius was discovering how the public felt when they ventured to his office. He sounded annoyed, probably at himself for not having been prepared for it.

Fusculus was faultlessly polite. He had been putting off the public for the past fifteen years. `If there has been a crime it could have happened anywhere, sir, and the chances of us picking up the rest of the body are nil.'

'You're not keen on this,' I divined.

`Clever man.'

`The evidence turned up on the Aventine.'

`A lot of filth turns up on the Aventine,' snorted Fusculus sourly, almost as if he included us in that category. `This isn't evidence, Falco. Evidence is a material object that casts useful light on a known incident, enabling a prosecution. We have no idea where this forlorn fist came from, and I bet we never will. If you ask me,' he went on, evidently thinking he, had found an inspired solution, `it must have been polluting the water supply, so tracing any other body parts is a problem for the water board. I'll report the find. It's up to the Curator of Aqueducts to take action.'

`Don't be stupid,' scoffed Petro. `When did anyone in the water board ever show any initiative? They're all too busy working fiddles.'

`I'll threaten to expose a few. Any sign of you coming back to work, chief?''

`Ask Rubella,' growled Petro, though I knew the tribune had said my foolish pal was to ditch the gangster's daughter before showing his face around the cohort again. Unless I had missed something, that still left Petro with a goodbye speech to make to Milvia.

`I heard you were in business with Falco nowadays?' For a pleasant man, Fusculus seemed to be in a starchy mood. I was not surprised. Informers have a black name amongst most Romans, but we are particularly reviled by the vigiles. The cohorts keep lists with our names on so they can knock on our doors halfway through dinner and drag us off for questioning about nothing in particular. State servants always hate people who are paid by results.

`I'm just helping him out informally. Why – do you miss me?' Petro asked.

`No, I'm just wondering when I can apply for your post.' It was said in jest, but the fact was, unless Petronius Longus sorted out his private life rather quickly the joke would become fact. Warning him, though, would only make it worse. Petronius had a stubborn side. He had always had a tendency to rebel against authority. It was why we were friends.