Time for Silence

Then we went back to the Denver home for the reception.

Aunt Belinda was greeting everyone, saying what a beautiful service it had been, what a handsome bridegroom, what a beautiful bride. They were cutting the cake…Annabelinda wielding the knife and Marcus helping her, then drinking the champagne from the Denver cellars. Speeches followed.

Aunt Celeste was standing beside me.

“Aren’t they charming?” she said. “Just what a bride and groom should be. I wish my brother were here to see them.”

“I wonder what Monsieur Jean Pascal is doing now?” I said.

She shook her head.

“You haven’t heard anything?” I asked.

She shook her head again. “It could not be easy to get news. I don’t know where the enemy is in his area. One doesn’t hear anything.”

“They wouldn’t have gone to Valenciennes, I suppose. That would be very close to the fighting.”

“My brother himself was hardly ever there. The Princesse went now and then. I daresay they are at the château. I wish I could get some news.”

“It’s nearly three years since all this started. I can’t believe it.”

Aunt Celeste nodded. “I am so relieved that you and Annabelinda were able to get home.”

“Yes, thanks to Marcus.”

“And how romantic this has turned out. It has made me think a lot about my brother. It would have been wonderful if he had been able to be here today.”

Robert came up.

“You look sad,” he said. “Why is it that there is always an element of sadness about weddings?”

“They remind people of so much,” I said.

“Yes, I suppose so. Let me fill your glasses.”

He signed to the waiters while Aunt Celeste stared ahead, thinking of her brother who was somewhere in France.

The speeches were over, the bride and groom had left for Torquay. Robert said to me, “It’s hot in here. Too many people. Let’s slip outside.”

I was glad to and we went into the garden.

“It’s beautiful out here,” I said.

“You like it, don’t you?”

“I always have. I used to love coming here when I was little. You were always nice to me, Robert. Although I was quite a bit younger than you, you never reminded me of it, like Annabelinda, who did all the time.”

“Oh, no one takes any notice of Annabelinda.”

“I did. She’s two years older than I and never let me forget it.”

“Well, you are old enough now not to be concerned about those two years.” He stood still, looking about him. “There is something special about one’s own home,” he said. “Somehow it seems as though it is a part of you.”

“I know.”

“The paddock over there. I used to ride round and round on my pony, feeling very adventurous. I’ll never forget the first day I was let off the leading rein. There’s the old oak tree. I climbed that once. I’d done something I shouldn’t have and I thought I’d hide myself so that they couldn’t find me.”

“I can’t think you ever did anything very bad.”

“Oh, please,” he said. “You make me sound impossible. I was always in trouble with Nanny Aldridge, I can tell you.”

“Well, very minor peccadilloes, I am sure.”

“You’re laughing at me.”

“Well, you are, and always have been, good. One could rely on you…unlike Annabelinda.”

“You mean dull.”

“Why do people think goodness is synonymous with dullness?”

“Because it is often a kind way of saying one is unimaginative.”

“And winning medals on the battlefield?”

“That was chance. A lot of people deserved them and didn’t get noticed.”

“I won’t listen to such talk. You were never dull, and I always loved it when you arrived.”

“Lucinda, will you marry me?”

I was silent and he went on. “It is what I have always wanted. I know that both our families would be delighted.”

I could still find nothing to say. I could not plead surprise, for there had always been this very special friendship between us, but on Annabelinda’s wedding day, when I was admitting to myself that I had had very tender feelings toward her bridegroom, was not the time. My emotions were in too much of a turmoil.

I heard myself stammer, “Robert…it’s too soon. I hadn’t thought…”

“I understand,” he said. “You want to think about it. Marriage is a serious undertaking.”

Still I was silent. To marry Robert! Everything would be pleasant, comforting. I should live here in this beautiful place. My mother would be delighted. She loved Robert, as so many people did. Annabelinda would be my sister-in-law. It was strange that that should be one of the first thoughts that occurred to me.

Robert was saying, “I know you like me, Lucinda. I mean you don’t really find me dull.”

“Do get that foolish notion out of your head. You are not dull and I am very, very fond of you.”

“But…” he said sadly.

“It’s just too soon.”

A smile crossed his face. “I didn’t lead up to it, did I? I just blundered in. Trust me.”

“No, Robert. It’s not that at all. It is just that I don’t feel ready.”

“Let’s leave it. Forget I said anything. We’ll talk about it some other time.”

“Yes, do let’s. You know how happy I always am with you. I was so pleased when you came to Marchlands. But just now…”

“You don’t have to explain. I am going to ask you again.”