Under Mr Nolan's bed

I don’t know how I’d missed her, standing to the side on the steps. Her short blonde hair was plastered to her cheeks and the make-up she had put on this morning streaked down her face in black rivers. If I was a casual observer, I would have just thought that she was wet from walking to school in the rain, but I knew better-Erica had been crying.

“Are you okay?” I asked, the girls behind me jostling and grumbling as I stopped.

Erica shook her head and I slipped under the railing, moving off to the side and pulling her with me. There was nowhere to stand but in the rain, and it was coming down so hard that I was immediately soaked to the skin.

“He broke up with me,” she choked out over the downpour and her lower lip trembled under the weight of the words.

“Oh, no,” I breathed, moving to put my arms around her, and then remembering. I stopped, mid-hug, not sure how to proceed, but Erica came the rest of the way, clinging to me, and I could feel her silent sobs.

I didn’t know what else to do but hold on to her and we rocked back and forth, our backpacks and my umbrella sitting in a puddle at our feet, forgotten.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling my own tears mixing with the rain. “I’m so sorry, Erica, I’m so sorry.”

“Me, too.” She hugged me tighter. “I missed you so much.”

I nodded. From the moment Erica had screamed, “I hate you!” until this one, it had felt like things were moving in geological time. All week, I felt trapped in some strange ice age-it was that cold. Life without the man I loved had proved awful, but life without my best friend, too!? It was beyond unbearable.

“You’re shivering.” I realized that I was, too, although inside, I felt warmer than I had all week. “Let’s go in.”

“Let’s go home.” Erica pulled back to look at me and squeezed my hands.

“I can’t face school today.”

I glanced up the steps where most of the crowd of girls had already disappeared through the big double doors. Sister Mary Francis had been standing there moments before, but I couldn’t see her, now.

“Okay,” I agreed, grabbing my backpack. I opened my umbrella, pulling Erica under it as we headed back down the stairs. She sniffed, linking her arm with mine as we walked.

“What happened?” I asked. “Did he say why?”

“I told him I didn’t want to have sex anymore.” Her voice was so soft I could barely hear it over the pelting of the rain on the umbrella over our heads.

“Oh.” I stopped, pulling her up short, as we waited for a school bus to pass before we could cross the street. “Well… why?”

“After last week.” She jumped over a puddle. “After you and my dad…” I winced and sighed. “Erica, I’m so sorry…”

“Can we talk about me?” Her voice turned back to that ice-age tone.

“I’m sorry,” I said again with a gulp. “Go on…”

“I went to confession,” she went on as we rounded the corner on her block. “And I told Father Michael everything.”

My stomach clenched, remembering my own time in the penance-box with Father Michael. I wondered, given the details of what Erica said, if he had put two and two together? I cringed at the thought.

“And I recommitted my virginity.”

I frowned, cocking my head at her. “Can you do that?”

“He said I could.” We slowed as we came to her house and turned up the walkway. “He said that my recommitment would help absolve me of my sins.”

“Funny,” I snorted. “He just gave me a bunch of Our Father’s and Hail Mary’s.”

Erica gave me a quelling look as she put her key in the lock. “This is serious, Leah.”

“Okay, okay.” I dropped my backpack in the foyer and followed her to the kitchen. Being in the house again was like coming home and my heart felt swollen and tight in my chest.

“I’m being punished.” Erica kicked off her shoes and grabbed an apple off the table. I sat at one of the kitchen chairs, watching her slide up onto the counter.

“Bobby breaking up with you is punishment?” I frowned.

“Probably that, too.” She chewed on a bite of her apple.

I toed off my shoes and pulled off my wet socks. “I don’t get it.”

“Everything we did, Leah,” she went on. “Watching porn, how we were with each other, me having sex with Bobby…”

“That was punishment?” I smirked.

“No, those were my sins.” She took another vicious bit of her apple. “You and my dad together-that was my punishment.”

I sat back in the chair, stunned. “Oh, Erica… no…”

“Yeah, that’s what my dad said, too.” She snorted, chewing noisily. “But after I confessed to Father Michael, I knew it was true. I was being punished for all the bad things we’ve done.”

Putting my hands to my cheeks, I shook my head at her. “Erica… first of all, why would God punish you for what… what I did with your dad?”

“God works in mysterious ways.” She sighed.

“I feel awful for hurting you.” My cheeks were burning even under the cool wetness of my fingers. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I can’t explain it, and I don’t have any excuses.”

She rolled her eyes, biting into her apple. “You sound just like him.”

“Who?” I shook my head.