Утро После (СИ)

But I breathe with you in my solitude.

Your skin keeps as a secret my derma cells.

The rain falls to puddles, freezing and grey.

A part of you lumps somewhere in my throat.

It's morning. It's painful. I know - you`ll leave.

Locking myself, I let you go.

2015 - 2017

The Draughts

I just cannot love. But I try to get closer to draughts.

I think, they will soothe my wounds, they will still my pain.

But my dignity hurts so does my throat.

Leaving thick, bitter semen, you had been everywhere.

I feel like got tight. There is amber gold in my fingers,

It looks like a yellow sapphire in my heart,

That is craving for praise.

It just cannot burn. But it hurts. And as sharp as a razor,

it cuts my tense nerves via the only your gaze.

I die in your feet, for your sake, in your honor.

The lilies bloom with hot wax between legs.

I really want to be the only your woman.

Like a serpent I'm coiling around your chest.

I really love. We are just gifts for each other.

Thank you for the pain, for the roles in the Theatre of Love.

I'm willing to whine like a wolf

As we still are just nothing.

"All things must pass" - whisper I, not believing.

It is in the blood.

2017

12 months

January. Coffee. Snow desert.

I leave apart the crumpled sheets.

You cause me pain. You give me, as a present,

The whirl of doubts and the carnal bliss.

February is sparkling with the sunrays.

Hold on, my Lord, I catch your bitter kiss.

The coffee burns my stomach, fills my nighttime.

In front of you, I bend my broken knees.

March is so dirty. Snow `s muddy brown.

The springs are running. We seem to fall apart.

April. Silence. I will not be crying.

You seem to treat me like a bloody slut.

May rejoices with the bright, warm sunlight.

I am so free. I`m filling with delight.

I start my June with a kiss of tender lover.

He is not like you. I leave behind the past.

July. Again. The nights are rather stuffy.

I open windows. I gaze at my blue veins.

August agonizes roughly.

I miss your kiss, your voice. All this in vain.

September. And you suddenly appear,

You are afraid of autumn and of pain.

You say, you need me. I am moved to tears.

You say I am the woman of your fate.

October tastes like mulled wine, nights are horny.

You are in me like poison, like a knife.

November. Stranger`s lipstick. I` am groaning.

Compelling evidence- you`re not completely mine.

December. Happy New Hysterics...

The walls are stained with dainties,

Washed with blood.

The floor is wet and frighteningly cerise

I wish you happy Christmas.

Love is blind.

I feel like being roughly tortured.

My heart is emptied.

The throat is torn with cry.

You are the winner.

I am completely broken.

I won`t be yours.

You have been never mine.

2015

My comfort

My comfort is of loneliness and sex.

I watch lamplights across the ceiling.

I need no people, need no mess.

I want to listen to my feelings.

I want to cry and to recall

The memories of sweetest moments.

The shades of darkness, lights on walls...

I listen. And the rain is falling.

I seal the envelope to send.

I`m leaving you. So I will forget

All our love. I don`t regret.

I`ll just dissolve in pouring rain.

Forgive me and farewell, my friend.

I`ll sip some cognac, keeping sense of balance.

My house. Dusk. No lights along the street.

I watch the dove, which preens his feathers.

I savor silence. It tastes so bittersweet.

2017

Aftertaste

The autumn and the morning. The undone bed.

I take some coffee beans to ground.

The whirligig of maple leaves is mad.

The rain drips down fragile window glass.

And taste of you is so sweet and sad.

The Autumn. And again I get the creeps.

The thoughts of mine are shattered.

Your love tastes bitter on my lips.

Like black hot tea with saffron.

I welcome this so lonesome autumn

With farewell tenderness, with wet cheeks of mine.

The silence. Peace. The sense of burden.

Goodbye forever. And set at ease your mind!

2017

I fell ill with you

You know, I fell ill with you.

I am running for you with mucus and blood,

With all dreams and all liquids,

With ashes and smoke,

With spirits and tea, like a flood.

You know, you can`t be removed.

You`re rotting in me, spilling poison.

I spit it, as bitter as sooth.

I try to use pain for my poems.

You know, I fell ill with you.

I picked you up as the bug.

I fell ill with you and endure

Doubts, impulses, fights.

You know, I am killed with you.

I am all black, full of salt.

Just one your look makes me drool,

Be abrupt, rebellious, hot.

You know, I am tortured with you,

Tormented, pulled out and crumpled.

You hypnotize and bewitch.

You`re silent. I am crucified.

You drink me like sparkling wine.

I`m cast in pearls. I am spawned...

You are so great, you are smart.

I breathe for your sake, I adore you.

2017

Bitterness

Look into me like into abyss.

Take off me all my masks.

That, what used to be proud matter

I washed away into dust.

I need you. I need you badly!

It`s not the matter of doubt.

You know, what I feel is painful.

I suffocate with my love.

The rainy evening is dusky.

The sky frowns with wadding.

Something in my chest is sinking.

Something in my throat feels rending.