Von Neumann’s War

“Well, once I realized that the replication process of the probes is more like biological fission than anything else, the question of how they know how to replicate arose. Biological things have DNA for blueprints and this analogy led us down the path that the bots must have blueprints as well. Now what if, what if, mind you, we somehow figured out the bot DNA and mutated it?”

“Uh, Dr. Pike, this is Dr. Forrester in the AFRL redoubt in Albuquerque…” interrupted the speakerphone.

“Go ahead, Dr. Forrester.” Alice said a little too loudly.

“I’ve reviewed the data and can’t figure heads or tails about how the so-called DNA might work. Do you have any ideas there?”

“Unfortunately, no, Dr. Forrester. But, for now, let us say that we figure it out. Then say we mutate the bots to eat themselves only and then release them back into the wild.”

“Brilliant!” Roger slammed his hands down on the table. “That’s it, Alice, THAT IS IT! Fight fire with fire, absolutely. We should focus all our efforts on doing just that! How do we figure out the bot DNA code?”

“Search me. Again, I say that Dr. Richard Horton was doing some things along the lines of machine DNA, and there is a chance he might have figured it out, but as for me I have no idea. I’m not giving up and I have some ideas, but I recall Dr. Horton really having a knack for this line of thinking.” There was silence for a moment.

“This is the Wheeler Labs redoubt at Princeton. We knew Horton as you did, Alice. We wouldn’t put much stock in what that crackpot has to say.”

“This is DEPUTY SECRETARY REYNOLDS. Does anybody else at Princeton have an idea of how the bot DNA works?”

“Uh, sure we do, I mean…”

“Let’s hear it now, then,” Roger practically yelled into the speakerphone. Ronny grinned at him. Alan sniggered out loud. Traci patted his leg underneath the table.

“Uh, we’d have to think about it a bit more and get back to—”

“People, I’m not going to say this again. Most of the world has been eaten by alien machines. Hell, most of the solar system has been eaten by alien machines. And I will not for one second allow academic bigotry and egotism stand in the way of any possible idea or asset no matter how odd or wild it might seem. Even if it’s a long shot billion to one chance of it working. What else do we have? Not a whole helluva lot that’s what. At this point I’d piss on a sparkplug if I thought it’d help. Understand me?” Roger clenched his jaw, wishing he had that arrogant Ivy League prick on the other end of the speakerphone close enough to choke. His face was red and his head pounded and there was no telling what his blood pressure was.

There was no response from the other end of the line.

* * *

Ret Ball: My friends you will not believe this but I have the Deputy Secretary of Defense for Advanced Defense Concepts and Testing, Dr. Roger P. Reynolds online with us this evening. Great to have you here on the Truth Nationwide, Mr. Deputy Secretary.

Caller: Thanks, Ret.

Ret Ball: Why are you contacting us tonight, sir?

Caller: Well, you see Ret we have posted all the information we have on the alien menace on our website at www.neighborhoodwatch.gov. Again, that is www.neighborhoodwatch.gov. We would like all the smart folks across the globe that can still access it to look it over. If you have any insights please contact us immediately through the contact lists on the site.

Ret Ball: That doesn’t sound good, Mr. Deputy Secretary. If the United States Department of Defense is asking for help what does that mean?