War And Peace

Neither of them spoke. They exchanged a few glances.

‘You know, Princess,’ said Nikolay at last, with a lugubrious smile. ‘It seems like yesterday, but a lot of water has flowed under the bridge since the first time we met at Bogucharovo. We all seemed to be in so much trouble then, but I’d give a lot to go back to that time . . . but there’s no going back.’

Princess Marya’s luminous eyes were watching him closely as he spoke. It seemed as if she was trying to get at some secret meaning behind his words that would make his feelings clear.

‘Yes, yes,’ she said, ‘but there’s no need for you to regret the past, Count. From what I’ve heard about your present life you will always look back on it with pleasure, because of the sacrifices you are making . . .’

‘I can’t accept your praise,’ he cut in hastily. ‘It’s the other way round. I’m always criticizing myself . . . but this is such a gloomy and boring topic of conversation.’

And once again his eyes took on that formal, frigid look. But by this time Princess Marya had seen in him the man she had known and loved, and this was the man she was speaking to now.

‘I thought you wouldn’t mind my saying that,’ she said. ‘I’ve been such a close friend of yours . . . and of your family, and I didn’t think you would find my sympathy intrusive. But I was wrong,’ she said. There was a sudden catch in her voice. ‘I don’t know why,’ she went on, recovering her composure. ‘You weren’t like this before, and . . .’

‘Why? There are thousands of reasons.’ (He stressed the word why.) ‘Thank you so much, Princess,’ he added softly. ‘Sometimes . . . it’s hard . . .’

‘Now you know why! Now you know why!’ said an inner voice speaking to Princess Marya’s heart. ‘No, it wasn’t just that happy, kind, open look of his, not just his handsome person that I loved. I had an intuition of his nobility and strength, his spirit of self-sacrifice,’ she said to herself.

‘Yes, he’s a poor man now, and I am rich . . . And that’s all there is to it . . . Yes, if it wasn’t for this . . .’ By recalling his earlier tenderness and looking into his kind, sad face she had suddenly seen the reason for his frigid attitude.

‘Why, Count, why?’ she suddenly cried, almost shouting and moving closer to him without being aware of it. ‘Please tell me why. You really must.’ He said nothing. ‘I don’t know about your why, Count,’ she went on. ‘But it’s not easy for me . . . I don’t mind admitting it. For some reason you want to deprive me of our old friendship. And that hurts me.’ There were tears in her eyes and her voice. ‘I’ve had so little happiness in my life that any loss is hard to bear . . . Do forgive me. Goodbye.’

She burst into tears, and set off out of the room.

‘Princess! Wait a minute, for heaven’s sake,’ he cried, trying to stop her. ‘Princess!’

She looked round. For a few seconds they gazed into each other’s eyes. Nothing was said, but suddenly what had been remote and impossible became close, possible and inevitable . . .

CHAPTER 7

In the autumn of 1814 Nikolay married Princess Marya, and went to live at Bald Hills with his wife, his mother and Sonya.

It took him three years to pay off the rest of his debts without selling any of his wife’s property, and when he was left a little something by a cousin he also managed to repay the money borrowed from Pierre.

In another three years, by 1820, Nikolay had managed his finances so efficiently he was able to purchase a modest estate adjoining Bald Hills, and had started negotiations to buy back his family estate at Otradnoye, which was his pet dream.